How to Trust God’s Preparation

“God’s preparation for us to live fully in the plan He has just might include a bit of anger. April Daniels shares how a pivotal moment in her life helped her trust God after the sudden passing of her husband.

Dear Lord,
Today…….I am asking all my prayer warriors to say a prayer that may help others. So many people are hurting right now. Many are struggling with finances and need jobs. Some are facing foreclosure and don’t even know how they are going to make it from week to week.. Many are lonely. . Many are heartbroken. . Many are facing sickness and health is fading. . Some are dealing with difficult family members. Many have lost HOPE.. Tonight, let us put our prayers and faith together decree and declare breakthrough over our families. Financial miracles WILL take place. Jobs WILL be found. Our Bodies WILL be made whole & sickness WILL flee. Marriages and relationships WILL be restored. Family members WILL find Jesus. Heartbreaks WILL be healed. JOY WILL be restored and HOPE WILL be found. In Jesus Name. Amen!!!!!! Keep God First…….

Everything we prayed came to pass. And then when we got there, I was publicly humiliated. I was devastated.
And I was like, God, you told us to come out here.
I was like, I felt like you threw me on the front line with no type of arm or no gun.
No nothing. And I just took bullets and I was so angry. Oh my man, I was so angry.
I was heated. I mean, it took me probably well over a year to really get out of it.
And I could not understand for the life of me like, OK, you love us, you, you sealed the deal answering everything we put on the altar to know if we should do this or not.
And then you let it blow all up. I couldn’t understand. I could not wrap my head around it.
And I remember that whole year, I was just angry. I was like, I’m not praying.
I am not even talking to you. I didn’t want to look at you. I’m not going to church.
I don’t, I didn’t want no parts of it.
And I remember showing like baby, you gotta, you gotta let go, you gotta let go of this hanger.
And I was like, I let go of this hanger.
Like it was the only thing I owned to hold on to as far as this situation.
So that to me was like, remember when your heart was harding, remember how hard that was?
Because I went through it the most God wasn’t going through it.
Like, you know, he’s like, come on do to get back over here.
But you know, I’m you, you think you’re getting back at God but you’re not.
And you know, you’re, you’re over there with a hard heart.
You know, everything is just it being affected by that heart hard and it’s no fun for anybody.
It’s not fun for the people that have to deal with you.
It’s not fun for you when you want to be angry and everybody want to be happy.
So I knew what that looked like. Sarah. I was like, yeah, I don’t want to do that.
That cannot be a repeat. And I felt like that experience had been preparation for this moment.
Not to say that the things that happened then versus losing my husband were equal.
But I believe, you know, God gives us those little, you know, test or tests to, to let you know like, OK, remember this because when I get take you there, I’m gonna need you to remember what not to do what you did on the day didn’t work.
And So, you know, I was like, in that moment, I, I just, I had such a peace and it wasn’t that, you know, if people didn’t understand my faith, somebody would have looked at it and be like, well, why is she so happy?
Her husband’s not here. It wasn’t that. But I knew God had me.
I just knew that even though he took him, he’s where we wanna be. You know what I mean?
He’s good, but he was not going to let me fall.
He was not gonna let me, you know, it just, it wasn’t a dead end for me.
And so I just said, you know, what? Don’t do that?
Stay focused April because you know, no, keep keep your head straight, you know, because we can often be our worst enemies, you know.
And so with that, no, I, I never had the time that I wanted to be angry when Sean passed.
I had questions. The biggest part for me was the way he passed.
Um I felt like he was such a phenomenal man and such a great person.
Now, I’m like, why would you take him that way? Like couldn’t it just been peacefully in his sleep?
But even with that, I found out later that it was just like a snap of a finger.
It wasn’t what I thought and had envisioned and was carrying with me.
But in that man, I just, I didn’t want to be, I didn’t want to have a heart and heart.
And more importantly, I wanted to be able to, when that lady called me and asked me, could I help her?
And I heard the Holy Spirit say, and why not?
I knew at that point I had to be some type of help to women who didn’t even know they would be walking in the same shoes as a.
Um, when I looked up, I was like, who can help me?
There was no one, Sarah, no one.
You have your, your, your grandmothers and the older people that lose a spouse when it’s time.
You know what I mean? But they don’t know any that they don’t know how to talk into a young woman, losing her husband at 41.
Like what does that look like?
So, you know, with it, I was just like, not that I wanted to be the poster child, but my heart was so heavy like whatever I’m going through, I’m sharing somebody needs this information.
I have to let people know, you know what this feels like because there’s no information out there who’s talking about being a widow young.
It’s, it’s people don’t get me wrong, but it’s less people talking about that than it is.
And so when I started being open about, you know, my healing and the, the process and everything I was going through till this day, I still get such an overwhelming amount of D MS and I am honored to be able to just help people because something as small as when we were sitting at the table and my husband’s business partner was there and we were just going over business things.
And I said, what am I? He said, what do you mean?
I said, well, I know I’m a widow but I’m like it when I write, uh, when I fill out an application, like I’m not legally married anymore and I couldn’t wrap my head around it like it sounds silly like, yeah, you know, you’re a widow.
Yes. But in that moment I’m like, no, I’m not a widow.
I’m a, I’m a married woman. My husband just isn’t here, which obviously is the same thing.
But it’s just little things that you don’t even know until, you know, you know, no one’s sitting up giving you the education of how to be a widow.
But it was just so many things that I had to learn now in this new stage of life that was oblivious to me.
So I just wanted to be a vessel of information for other women and to be able to, you know, really have the, the conversations and, and be educated or have some type of, you know, knowledge from someone who’s walked through it.
And because I believe that’s why God gives us these things, we go through these things to help somebody else.
It’s not to keep it to ourselves. And so you know in doing that.
It was just like, ok, I’m just gonna be a vessel of information, those who want it.
I’m here if you don’t need it, that’s great. But I know what God has told me to do now.
I’ve had a gang of questions for him, but I have not been angry.
I don’t, I don’t choose, I don’t want to be angry.
I don’t even want people to be able to have that kind of power over me to make me angry because it’s just, it’s I just feel like you, you lose out on so many other beautiful things when you’re focused on being angry, having a heart and heart toxicity.
It’s just, it’s no room for that. Not when God has purpose on your life.
It just is, you know, April while you’re talking, I’m thinking about in scripture when Jesus talks about people coming to him as a little child.
And I think that when we are angry, whether it is justified or not, that it does make us feel big, right?
Like hanging on to this anger, it makes me feel big.
It makes me feel strong like it doesn’t make me feel like a victim. It doesn’t make me feel weak.
And yet the reality is when we release anger, it’s not necessarily that you go from anger straight into hope, but you go into anger to small and from that place of small, from that place of wounded, from that place of vulnerability.
We do have encounters with God that allows us access to hope, but it does require that letting go.
And it sounds like you found the beauty, you found the hope and returning to being small.
And I feel like I feel like I’m walking that out in my life, especially as a faith leader in these days.
I see so many people who are like so strong and vocal about certain things and judgmental about different ways of thought.
And like, I don’t speak out about a lot of things that are political because I don’t think that God is on either side.
I think God is on both sides and we’re all a little bit wrong and no one wants to be that small though.
No one wants to admit that we are all just out here doing the best that we can and trying to be the best reflection of God.
But it sounds like you found the power, the beauty, the hope and just being small and allowing yourself to feel and in that place.
I think we see you as big. We see you as a giant.
I see you on Instagram sis like of course you’ve been sharing your healing journey like I’m gonna give you all of that.
Yes. The healing journey is beautiful.
It’s powerful but you come for our edges every time you post and you know you do, you know you have, it’s giving beauty, it’s giving Queen.
It’s giving stunning, it’s giving there’s life after pain.
And I think that’s important is how intentional is that for you to make sure that like you’re still posting um the truth and beauty and essence of your life and your journey, that video that went viral of you and your son when he uh I think he passed the bar or I got in the bar.
Yes. Um The your, your story is so much.
It’s uh I mean, obviously the passing of your husband is a large part of it, but you’ve allowed us access to the fullness of who you are as a woman and I love that.
Yeah. You know, I, I guess, you know, we was just crazy enough to be an open book when he was here and why should that stop?
You know, I just listen, I don’t have it perfect some days I’m on here like y’all not getting no, no makeup.
I ain’t stealing no edges. I’m just just and that still takes our edges.
But this other day I’m like, girl go in there and knock the ball out the park and like, you know, I think it’s, it’s good to be, it’s, it’s such a freedom to walk in who you are.
I don’t have to pretend I don’t have to go and rehearse lines because I forgot the script.
I can wake up and be myself and I can walk in there and either you love me or you don’t.
And if you don’t, that’s fine because there’s some things I don’t particularly care for too in social media.
But, you know, at the end of the day, more importantly, I need to do this for me.
I need to know that I can make it. I, I need to survive from this.
I will survive for this. But I need my sons to see what forgiveness and healing looks like because, you know, they’re still figuring it out.
They’re still, you know, going through their healing process, but they’re so much younger than I am.
And so, you know what we know is God can sometimes feel like, well, if it is a God, then why would he take my dad?
You know? And so for me as a mother, especially with African American boys men, um I need them to see the beauty and being able to walk in this piece and know that it’s nobody but God, every little girl has dreams.
But how many of those turn into nightmares?
This is my story and I’m ready to share.
My name is Angelina.