God is Present in the Pain

“Can you identify a defining moment with Jesus Christ? Taylor Madu shares how “God’s mouthpiece” became a painful rescue mission in her life. See, God longs to reveal Himself to us in a new way. But are we receptive in the midst of our suffering?

Heavenly Father I come before you in name of your son Jesus christ. Thank you for your waking me up this morning. I can see, talk and hear. Thank you for making a way, when it seem like their is no way. Have mercy upon me Lord, in Jesus name Amen. I believe and received!
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What do you think the plan and purpose of your baby boy’s life was man. That’s a good question.
I’ve actually shared my testimony for 17 years and no one has ever asked me that um you know what I was trapped.
So growing up um in the ministry um hall was just fighting our family, right?
So my parents divorced when I was seven and my mom, um her journey of addiction began.
She was my superhero, right? She could do no wrong.
My dad was traveling the world preaching Jesus powerful, right?
So it was, it was an honor to share him with the world as you would know.
And um but while he was traveling the world, my reality was I was at home and my mom was drifting away alive but not like living, right?
So um addiction is very hard, you know, especially when it’s your superhero.
So overnight our little family um is really destroyed, torn apart.
And then all of a sudden my mom’s addiction starts.
And so um that caused a lot of Brokenness in me, a lot of voids in my heart.
Um didn’t realize it was happening, but then you know, day in, day out year after year, all of a sudden, um, it led me into a relationship and that was filling a void.
Um, it was great and it, it filled a void, but really it was leading me to death.
It was, it was terrible. And I think from there I would have stayed in that.
Um, I loved hard. I’m a, I’m a lover like I’m loyal.
Uh, one of the things that I’ve learned in therapy, I’m the queen of therapy. I love therapy.
Um My counselor, I said, I don’t know why I stayed in this relationship because it was so dysfunctional.
I never knew why I kept going back. And what she told me really transformed my life.
And she said I, I was trying to be for him when I had so long for someone to be for me.
And that was like present, I’m not gonna leave you. I, I’m, I believe in you.
Um You know, because of the shattering of the divorce and my mom’s addiction.
Um I felt like I was never enough.
And so I was trying to do for someone, what I long for someone to do for me, which kept me in this dysfunctional relationship, right?
And so the pregnancy really just made me wake up to what I was doing like what the heck, right?
But then I, I really did believe God had a plan and purpose despite my failures. Um but losing Micah.
I named him Micah because it means God’s mouthpiece. And I committed him to the Lord that day.
And my name is Micah. And I said, I’m going to spend the rest of my life making people feel less broken.
Whether it’s like coffee, whether it’s on a podcast, there weren’t even podcast, then you know, whether it’s in arenas like whatever that looks like my mission is to tell this Jesus that met me in the lowest part of my life.
And I feel like it was a rescue mission. I really do believe even though it was so painful.
Um It was a moment where I learned Jesus in a way.
Um No one else could, no one could take that from me.
And I don’t even think anyone could teach me that, you know, like I said, I was raised in ministry.
So I heard my whole life about this Jesus, but it was something about that moment in the hospital bed holding my baby um where he revealed himself in a different way.
And that’s, I feel like that’s what has carried me into who Taylor is today.
So Micah was rescued, you know, for me from not doing things, right?
Um Rescued from most likely not having his father and his life.
Um And God has, I’ve spent the rest of my life, I’ve, I’ve been spending my life in gosh for 17 years now.
Um undoing, unbecoming who I was becoming and trying to become who God has called me to be.
Um I haven’t arrived, still learning, still growing, still trying to figure it out.
But I mean, it was that moment that I feel like I learned Jesus in a new way.