I, um, I was in a session with Jim, and he said, you know, do you wanna heal?
And I
said, Yes. Like, do you wanna get better? Do you wanna move forward?
You know, that’s a Jesus question. Right?
It is. You really wanna
be well man at the pool of Bethesda, woman at the well, thirst, all I get.
So we’re like, Why would you ask such a dumb question? It’s like, I never assumed that.
Yeah. And, of some, like, of course, I do.
And Jim said, well, today is a good day for us to work on forgiveness.
And I was like, are you? Like, seriously. Hi. I just told you that I wanted to heal.
I did not say I wanted to forgive and you helped me connect those 2 together.
And so I finally became convinced, okay. I I I’ll I’ll trust the process just a little bit.
And so you said, well, let’s don’t start with forgiveness.
Let’s start with the hurt that is that’s happened to you, and you were very gracious and and you handed me a stack of 3 by 5 cards.
And you said, just write out what’s happened, Lisa. Try it out each thing that has hurt you.
And so I thought that I can do.
So I started writing one thing on each card, and I was laying them down on the floor.
And there was a lot of hurt inside of me.
I saw it.
A lot. And so I laid down and before I knew it, it’s like the carpet was really filled with all of these cards.
And As I took a step back when I thought of the last thing and I just put that last card down, I remember thinking, no wonder I feel so heavy inside.
No wonder I feel so confused because this is a lot to sort out. And so after we
—
That was probably a big deal I know you you both know this, but to do that more experientially, to write the cards out, laying them that long kind of path in my they weren’t just scattered.
They were in a path in my office for you to see them and go, woah.
That’s a as a step to go There’s a lot here versus if you just narrated and told me, but to show me anything you can tell me, you can show me.
That’s kind of the thought behind it. Yeah. Like, wow. Look at that.
And you know, so profound as I was standing there looking at all of this hurt written out on on these cards, and you were standing there with me, something very profound happened.
You looked at me
and you said, Lisa, I believe you.
And I could cry right now thinking of that moment because what I really needed, and
I think
what was really holding me back from forgiveness.
It wasn’t so much that I needed the other person to acknowledge what they’ve done to me.
I needed another human to look at the hurt and acknowledge with me what I’ve been through.
Just another human to bear witness to this happened, and this was awful. And I needed that moment.
And so when Jim said he believed me, it was just I can’t even describe what it did to me, but it was very profound.
And, you know, in that moment, you also said, and Lisa If no one else ever says they’re sorry for what happened, I’ll say it to you.
And to hear another human say to me, I acknowledge that this is real. You have been through this.
It is awful. It should not have happened.
And if no one ever dares to say they’re sorry, I will. I am so sorry for this pain that you have walked through.
And, you know, in this series, we’ve been talking about some tough stuff.
We’ve been talking about toxic people and the harm that can happen inside of a dynamic of dysfunction.
We’ve been talking about the devastations in a marriage that can end in the death of a marriage with divorce and your life not looking the way that you thought it would hard things like adultery and abandonment and abuse.
And, you know, this is heavy, heavy stuff. And I wrestled a little bit.
Is this really the episode that we wanna tuck in here?
Because, you know, we’ve talked about some of the most devastating things that can happen within a human relationship with another person.
And yet, I know what forgiveness did to me, and I know how powerful it was for my healing.
And so we don’t just know that we should heal, we wanna be equipped to heal.
And believe it or not, forgiveness really is crucial.
By the way, back to Ophi Amy, you may be going here next. And you’ve topped this.
You’ve spoken on it, um, that we didn’t just lay cards down of all the facts.
offee Amy at least part of that to cancel the debt that we began to say, well, what did each one of these things do to you?
FACT and Impact That’s where a lot of even emotional, uh, feelings and thoughts and and connections can come up connecting dots ago.
Yeah. As we’ve said, hundred times, at the same sun out there that Harden’s clay softens butter. Mhmm.
And for you to realize, yeah, that that’s what it did. Listen. Two words to me. not to everybody else.
That’s where all that often that deeper connection could come up because you had those cards too.
Yeah. Absolutely. And I’m so glad you brought that up.
because when you experience a trauma, there’s 2 parts to the trauma. There’s the fact of what happened.
That was the moment that it happened.
You know, these are the facts, but then there’s impact, what did this cost mean?
What did this do to me? And so I’m so glad you brought that up.
Therefore, forgiveness has to be too far.
which is the track. If you look at, as I’ve said a million times, my fit principle FIT facts, this happened to me.
I as impact, what did it do to me? Spend some time there with someone helping you.
T is tracked and it’s chosen even if it feels unchosen like subconscious, the track is forgiveness is always a track We just went here in Romans, unforgiveness and bitterness is also a track that I choose.
Just think of a track like a train track I choose to get on this track, I will not forgive if you’re already born on the lines between forgiveness and reconciliation, or another one, remember, is forget reconciliation, Jim, if I forgive this person, then they got by with it.
Mhmm.
And I go, well, they got by with it at the moment they did.
except for, they are in god’s economy reaping what they’re sowing. Absolutely. God will not
Even if you don’t see it. That’s right.
Because sin always comes as a package deal, there’s a little bit of pleasure, and then the consequences are also part of that package.
And so the pleasure is almost holding hands with the pain of the consequences that whether we see it or not.
We do we know that that is the deal. Send comes as a package deal.
So back to the fact and impact, because trauma is fact and impact, forgiveness has to be around fact and impact.
And so you helped me start with the forgiveness of the facts of what happened.
So We we went to the first card and, um, you said, Lisa, just have this marked moment where you verbalize I forgive this person for this fact of what happened to me.
And I was like, yeah. But I don’t wanna fake it in front of god.
What if I would just really, like, I don’t feel it.
And then you added this statement and it was so beautiful. You handed me these little pieces of red felt.
And you said just place a piece of red felt over it and say, and whatever my feelings will not yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will cover it.
And that’s what I did card by card by card.
I said out of obedience to god, I am choosing to forgive this person for the fact of what happened, and I would list it out.
And then I would take a piece of red felt, and I put it over the card.
And whatever my feelings will not yet allow for, the blood of Jesus would cover it.
And I did it for every single one of those cards And then when I got to the last card, I realized it was no longer all the hurt and pain staring back at me.
It was just this beautiful picture that Christ has paved away through the shedding of his blood for this forgiveness to be possible for it to be possible for god’s forgiveness flow to me so that it is possible for god’s forgiveness to flow through me.
Now here’s where the impact happened because
I said, okay, Jim, this is beautiful.
I’ve had this marked moment, and I wanna hold on to this.
But what happens when I get in my car and I’m triggered with some sort of pain?
A song comes on, a picture pops up on my phone.
Uh,
one phone call happens. And all of a sudden, I feel the bitterness returning back to me and the resentment and the anger when, in reality, I just had this marked moment of forgiveness.
Does this make me a forgiveness failure?
And that’s when you started to explain, no, then that’s time that you’re becoming acquainted with the impact that this had on you.
And so it’s time for another marked moment of forgiveness. You’ve already forgiven for the facts.
but maybe you stop in that moment and acknowledge, yeah, I’m anxious and understandably so because there was a tremendous impact.
Their actions they were a fact, but they also had a tremendous impact on me.
And so it’s another little bit of awareness of, okay. I need a marked moment of forgiveness for the impact.
So in that moment, I can choose to say I am out of obedience to god choosing to forgive this person for this anxiety that I’m whatever.
And whatever my feelings will not end allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover