Build An Intimate Marriage – God’s Divine Design (1 Peter 3)

The marriage relationship is meant to be the most intimate of all human relationships. But in order to build lives together as husband and wife, we need to build on a solid foundation. In this message, Adrian Rogers explains God’s divine design for marriage.

• God’s Design for the Wife
• God’s Design for the Man

Some years ago, I, I read about a, a city that had a landfill, a city dump if you will and it, it got filled and a enterprising entrepreneur bought it uh from the city fathers.
He went out there and began to haul dirt on top of the garbage and took a bulldozer and spread it out and tamped it down.
And after he had covered it with dirt, he laid it out into a subdivision, built streets and curbs and uh began to build homes and it became a very attractively located uh and, and beautiful site for homes and young couples moved in, bought those homes and it was a wonderful community and little Children were riding around on their tricycles.
Everything was fine until after a number of years and then something started to happen.
Uh uh walls in those houses began to sag and roofs uh began to uh sway and cracks and fissure came up and the curbing would break and the subsoil gave way.
And after a while families moved out and it was deserted and the old timers uh they knew what had happened.
They knew that uh that this, this community was built on garbage.
They knew that and they knew that that the problem was with the foundation.
Now, that’s what’s happened in America. We are trying to build our homes very frankly on garbage.
We don’t understand the truth of God’s word.
And one wise man said, when the, when the bottom falls out, maybe you ought to examine the foundation.
Profound truth. Simply stated. This is love worth finding with pastor, teacher and author Adrian Rogers.
Would you be taking God’s word and finding First Peter chapter three, we are talking today about intimacy and marriage.
One Lord, one love the title of the study today.
One Lord, one love the divine design, the divine design. What has God designed for the home?
I heard recently about a man who was at breakfast, he was behind the newspaper, drinking his coffee, paying absolutely no attention to his wife.
None whatsoever. She said to him, you sitting there behind that paper.
I bet you don’t even know what today is. He put the paper down.
He said, of course, I know what today is. Do you think I have forgotten?
So that day in the middle of the day, she received a beautiful bouquet of roses.
Later on during the day, she got a box of chocolates. Later on.
During the day, the man delivered to her door, something very frilly for her to wear at night.
And when he got home, the table was set with a beautiful linen table cloth, there were candelabra on the table, fresh cut flowers.
A magnificent meal. After it was all over, she got from her chair and moved over and took him by the hand, looked him in the eyes and said, sweetheart, I want to thank you for making this the most wonderful groundhog day I have ever known, I think.
And we have some men today who need to wake up and to listen.
First Peter chapter three verse one.
Likewise, you wise being in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives while they behold your chased or pure conversation coupled to join with fear.
Now, I want to say there’s nothing more politically incorrect in the Bible than these two verses.
I mean, the, the radical feminist today almost split their spleen to read these verses uh that, that a woman is to be in subjection to her husband.
This is totally totally politically incorrect uh for a woman to say, I am going to submit myself to my husband and to make matters worse.
Uh Some Christian women have difficulty with this because it teaches that a, a wife is to submit herself to her husband even if her husband is not obeying the word of God.
Now, why is this? Well, very simply God says there must be order in the home and for there to be order in the home rather than chaos.
There must be some head, you’ve heard me say many times that anything without a head is dead and anything with two heads is a freak.
And that is true in any organization. It’s true anywhere. It’s true in the church.
It’s true in the home and the husband is the head of the wife.
The Bible makes it very clear and very plain.
Now, some women think automatically that this means that the Bible teaches that women are inferior, perish.
The thought the Bible does not teach that. Let me give you some verses to put together.
The first is first Corinthians chapter 11 and verse three, Paul says, but I would have you to know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man and the head of Christ is God.
That’s very interesting because we see from this verse that uh having a one over us is our head does not mean that we are inferior.
Let me ask you this question is God the son inferior to God, the Father. Of course not.
Is God the Father the head of God, the Son. Of course, he is. That’s what this scripture teaches.
There is a divine order, God, the Father God, the son, the man and the woman, but is a woman equal with a man.
Of course, she is listen to this scripture Galatians three verse 28.
Neither is there, Jew or there is neither Jew nor Greek. There’s neither bond nor free.
There’s neither male nor female for. Ye are all one in Christ, Jesus that is in Christ, Jesus.
Uh, we’re all one. it took as much of the blood of Jesus to save a woman as it does a man.
And when they’re saved they’re all part of the body of Christ.
But the devil today is trying to obliterate the difference between the sexes.
And uh it is the devil’s attempt to make men and women alike under the guise of making them equal.
They are equal, but they are not alike.
They are different and God made us different that God might make us one.
Never forget that the Bible is against the men and women.
We’re gonna talk one whole session about the difference between the sexes.
It, it, it, we’re gonna have a good time that day we talk about the difference between the sexes.
The battle of the sexes really ought not to be a battle at all.
As a matter of fact, God made us different that he might make us one.
Now look, if you will in verses three and four, who’s adorning that is who’s beauty.
Let it not be that outward, adorning of the platting of, of hair, uh uh plating the hair or wearing of gold or putting on of a peril.
But let it be the hidden man or the hidden person of the heart and that, which is not corruptible, underscore that phrase that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and white spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
Now, modesty, modesty is a trait that says I have self confidence, but uh immodesty says I am self centered, self centered.
So a woman is to have a serene uh beauty about her.
She used to have an adornment of serenity.
God calls it that, that ornament of a meek and a quiet spirit that which is not corruptible.
And let me tell you something, ladies, you ought to keep yourself attractive for your husband.
But your greatest beauty is inward beauty.
And if you don’t realize that you are fighting a losing battle, I’m gonna tell you the truth and you listen to me.
My wife is more beautiful to me today than she was when I married her.
I mean that with all of my heart, God is listening to what I’m saying because of the, the character of that woman, because of the beauty of that woman.
And that beauty is internal beauty as well as external.
And she gets more beautiful day by day as she walks before the Lord.
But if you put all your eggs in the basket of physical beauty, I’m gonna tell you what you catch him with is what you’re gonna have to keep him with.
And before long, you know, there’s a new bevy of beauties being born every day.
Did you know that uh they say that uh beauty of skin deep ugly goes all the way to the bone.
Beauty fades but ugly holds its own.
Now, what I, what I’m trying to say to you is this folks that, that God says she is to have an attitude of submission.
She is to have an adornment of serenity and no woman listen carefully.
No woman with a rebellious spirit can have an adornment of serenity is just absolutely impossible.
Now, here’s the third thing, not only her attitude of submission, not only her adornment of serenity, but her affirming speech, her affirmation of speech.
Look in verse six of this same thing, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord whose daughters ye are as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement already.
He said in, in uh verse one that uh wife is not to nag her husband.
And now she talks about Sarah who called Abraham Lord.
Now that doesn’t mean Lord like we use the word Lord today.
She didn’t mean that you are my Lord and master and she growled at his feet.
But the word Lord was a respect uh uh a term of respect like uh we might use the word sir uh today.
But the point is that she spoke very respectfully of her husband.
She was very wise in her use of speech.
And, and God knows that a woman is, is to a man. What a wind is to a fire.
She can fan him up or blow him out.
Uh She, by her speech, her words, do you know what a man wants from a woman?
Lady, ladies, let me tell you what a uh a man wants from a woman. He wants her admiration.
That’s what you said. Well, that’s what women want for men.
Well, we get to that in a moment but he wants her to admire him from the time I first started dating Joyce, I always wanted her to admire me.
I used to get on my bicycle and ride backward down the street in front of her house.
Uh, so she would, she would come out and see me doing those hygienes.
I don’t know whether I really enjoyed playing football or not. I mean, it hurts. You’re tired.
We always talk about the fun of the game. Really. It’s not that much fun.
The fun part is to hold a cheerleader’s hand after the game and let her look up at you and ask, are you hurt?
You know? No. And, and that, that’s, that’s the fun part. I have a picture.
One of the best pictures that I have is a picture of Joyce.
She was in her cheerleader outfit and by the way, uh, her cheerleader outfit in those days didn’t look like they’re doing these days if you want to know.
But underneath that, that, that picture of her are these words. It’s one of my cherished possessions.
She said, I will always cheer you on. That’s meaningful to me.
Uh uh words of affirmation, her affirming words, I wish I had more time for that.
But uh let me go on and, and the last thing is her accommodating service.
Look, if you will in verses five and six, it talks about Sarah in verse five and verse six, it says she obeyed Abraham calling him Lord.
Uh to obey literally means to play close, close attention to his needs.
And uh a woman ought to ask herself, what can I do to be a help me to my husband to meet his needs, physically, emotionally, spiritually, in every way I must leave that because I wanna get to God’s design for the man.
Most sermons on the home, we start on the women and we never get to the man.
So let’s go on to verse seven. Likewise, ye husbands. And I’m glad that’s there.
Now, ladies don’t sit and say it, don’t say we never got to it. We’re going to say more.
God requires far more of the man than he does the woman listen to it.
Likewise, ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel and is being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered.
Now, what this says is that men were to wise up, we’re to dwell with them according to knowledge and very frankly, that’s hard.
And you have to watch a man who says he understands women because he’ll lie about anything.
It’s hard.
This literally happened last uh Friday night, I was driving out here to this area and I got behind a pickup truck and I had a bumper sticker and I got up close to read the bumper sticker and here’s what the bumper sticker said on that pickup truck.
This literally happened last Friday night.
It said, the more I learn about women, the more I love my truck, the more I learn about women, the more I love my truck.
I said, well, that’s a frustrated guy driving that, that truck.
I wanna tell you something, folks, the more you learn about Jesus, the more you love your wife.
That’s what the bumper sticker ought to say.
The more I learn about Jesus, the more I love my wife.
The Bible says that we are to dwell with them.
According to knowledge, men are sometimes are so stupid.
You think because you’re the head of the home, you’re superior.
The theory of male, I know a man that uh subscribed to the theory of male superiority until his wife canceled his subscription.
What is a man to be?
Well, first of all, he is to be the provider in the home.
The man is to be the provider in the home in Genesis chapter two.
And verse 15, God said very clearly that it was the man’s job to dress and to keep the vineyard, the Garden of Eden.
It is the man’s job to bring in the basic necessities to the home, food, clothing, transportation.
Now, if not, if it, if the man does not assume that basic responsibility, there’s going to be a loss of respect.
We have many women today who are working outside the home, who do not need to work outside the home, especially when there are little Children at home, but they do that for, for fulfillment.
We’re gonna talk about that uh Later on in this uh in the series, a lot of homes will be much happier if we learn to do with less.
And I wanna remind you what I said when we spoke on the 10 commandments, what a Greek philosopher said when he said to whom little is not enough, nothing is enough.
If you can’t learn to get along on little, you’ll never be satisfied with much.
Now, when a husband is to provide and by the way, my, my hat is off and my heart is out to women who have to work to, to provide the basic necessities.
But if you, if you do work and you don’t have to provide the basic necessities and you work outside the home, let what the man earns go for the basic necessities and what you earn.
Let it be used for ministry. And uh and the extras in the family if necessary.
And sometimes uh we cannot have this idea of. Sometimes a woman has to work.
And I know that I know that, but I’m telling you that God’s divine design is for the man to be the provider in the home.
He is to be the provider. Now you to provide for your wife, sir, more than the food and clothing.
However you to meet her emotional needs. The Bible says you were to give her honor.
That’s one of the things you to give her. Let me just read very quickly.
The seven basic emotional needs of your wife.
Number one, she needs the stability and direction of a spiritual leader.
If you’re not a spiritual leader, you’re not providing for your wife.
Number two, she needs to know that she and she alone is meeting the basic needs of your life that no other woman can meet.
That is she needs to know beyond the shadow of a doubt.
She is the number one in your life so far as people are concerned.
Number three, she needs to see and learn that you delight in her, that you cherish her as a person, not as a sex, a sex object, but as a person.
Number four, she needs to know that you enjoy setting aside quality time for intimate conversation with her.
She wants you to sit down, look her in the face and give her intimate time.
Number five, she needs to know that it is the goal of your life to protect her in areas of her limitations.
That is, you recognize that she is the weaker vessel.
Number six, she needs to know that you are aware of her presence.
Even when you’re doing other things that you don’t ignore her.
Number seven, she needs to know that the goal of your life is to invest in her life to help her to expand and fulfill her world.
You say pastor Rogers, I couldn’t get all of those things down.
Well, come back at 11, I’ll give it again or else uh get the tape.
But what I’m trying to say is this, that a husband is to be a provider for his wife but not only is he the provider, listen very carefully.
He is the protector. Because what did God tell Adam to do?
Not only to dress the garden, but he was told to keep it.
He was told to keep it and that word keep means he is to guard it.
The husband is to shield his family. He is to guard his family. He is to defend his family.
I want to say that men are to protect their families.
The husband is the provider, he is the protector and the husband is the pastor of the home.
This verse goes on to say that husbands are to dwell with wives according to knowledge that that their prayers be not hindered whose prayer is he talking about?
Well, I, he may be talking about the prayer of husband and wife together but beyond the shadow, any doubt he’s talking about the prayer of the man of God.
Do you know what my job?
My assignment from God is my assignment from God is to love Joyce as Christ, loved the church.
And how does Jesus love the church?
The Bible says that he loved it this way, that he gave himself for it, that he might present it to himself, a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any such thing.
Do you know what spots are? That’s defilement. I am to keep my wife from the fire.
Do you know what wrinkles are? Do you know what a wrinkle is? It’s an inward scar.
Do you know why women have such tension in their lives?
Because the husbands have not loved them as the husband ought to love them?
Have you ever, have you ever walked up to a woman and seen that tension on her face?
Many times, the husband put it there many times.
He has not removed those, those inward scars by his love.
My chief assignment from God is to make Joyce a more radiantly beautiful Christian.
I am I have this God given assignment.
I am to be provider protectors and pastor in the home. Not because I’m a pastor.
If I, if I were a lawyer or a businessman or whatever, it’s still my assignment to be the pastor in the home.
I’m to say is for me and my house, we’ll serve the Lord.
Now folks, this is just the design. This is not how to have intimacy.
We’re going to get to how to have intimacy in the next several messages.
But what I’m trying to do today is just to lay down the divine design for you to see what God says that a wife is to be what God says, that a husband is to be.
Now, if you don’t agree with what God says there in first Peter, don’t come and talk to me about it.
Just tell God about it, ok?
Just say God you’re wrong about this, but don’t come to me about it.
Now, if I misinterpreted the scripture, you come to me and say you didn’t say it just right.
You didn’t read it right. You didn’t interpret it right? And here’s where you can be more correct.
But don’t come to me and say this is what God says, but I don’t agree with because I’m not gonna change and God’s not gonna change.
You’re the one who needs to change.
And if you want to have a, a Godly home, go back and read the directions. God has a plan.
Now, let me just wrap this up by saying this, you cannot have a Christian home without having Christians anymore than you could have a cherry pie without cherries.
And if you want God in your home. Then you’ve got to give your heart to God.
Let’s bow our heads in prayer heads are bowed and eyes are closed. No one stirring.
No one looking around. Lord God, I pray today that many will give the hearts to Jesus and be saved.
And I pray to God that those of us who are saved will begin to read your word and to build our home solidly on your word.
In the name of Jesus. Amen.