5 Ways to Build True Friendships

• The Marks of Friendship
• The Making of Friendship
• The Maintenance of Friendship
• The Ministry of a Friendship

There are five secrets in making a friend.
I’m gonna give them to you in a moment.
But all five of these secrets come out of one great principle.
And that principle was given by the lord Jesus Christ.
Not pop psychology, but deep, deep proof.
It’s found in Luke chapter six and verse thirty as you would that men should do to you.
Do ye also to them likewise. Now, that is the principle. Profound Outh simply stated.
This is love worth finding with pastor, teacher, and author, Adrian Rogers.
Turn to proverbs chapter seventeen and verse seventeen.
Bible says, a friend loveth at all times.
And the brother is born for adversity, a friend, a friend, loveth at all times.
We say of Bellevue Baptist Church.
Bellevue is a family a friends, and a friend to the family.
One of the greatest and deepest needs of human hearts is for friendship.
We have a longing for someone who knows us and loves us.
And accepts us, somebody with whom we can share, somebody who understands our deepest needs, our hurts, our fears, our wants, our victories, we need friends.
And to say that you don’t need a friend would be to deny your humanity.
So I want to talk to you today about how to make friends, making friends forever.
Now I want to show you how that can be one of the greatest ministries you can ever do in the name of Jesus and for the glory.
Of Jesus Christ. Now think with me for a moment about the marks of friendship.
What is a friend anyway? Let me give you what I consider to be three marks of friendship.
There are many more, but these stand out in my mind.
First of all, as I’ve already said, a friend is somebody who shares a friend loveth at all times.
There was an English publication, uh, that ran a contest for a definition of friendship And, uh, there were some wonderful definitions.
One of them was, a friend is somebody who multiplies our joys, and divides our grief.
Isn’t that beautiful? A friend? Multiplies our joys. A friend divides our grief, another one.
A friend is somebody who understands our silence.
We don’t have to be talking for a friend to really understand who we are, sometime just being there.
But here’s the one that won the prize in this English publication for a definition of of a friend.
Uh, friend is someone who comes in. When the whole world goes out. That is a friend.
And folks, we need friends.
We need friends who will strengthen us With their prayers, we need friends who will bless us with their love.
We need friends who will encourage us with their hope.
Now a friend is on the scene when you need him.
A friend is somebody who is wise enough to leave you alone when you want to be alone.
A friend is there to help you to celebrate When there’s something to celebrate, and a friend is a cause of celebration when there’s nothing else to celebrate, just celebrating the presence of your friend.
So put it down. A friend is somebody who who shares. He loveth at all times.
But secondly, a friend is somebody who sharpens Proverbs twenty seven verse seventeen.
Proverbs twenty seven and verse seventeen. Listen to it. Iron sharpeneth iron.
So a man sharpened it, but countenance of his friend.
Do you know what a good friend will do?
Our good friend will put a keen edge on your life.
A good friend will sharpen you, but a false friend will blunt and dull your life.
Our English word friend, uh, relates to the word freedom.
Because really a friend is somebody who who sets you free to be all that you can be.
He puts the keen edge, the sharp edge on your life a friend is somebody who encourages you, who knows how to speak the word that will draw you out.
And lead you on. A friend sharpens you. He puts the keen edge on your life.
And let me tell you another way that he sharpens you.
Not constantly encouraging you, but challenging you and confronting you when you’ve done wrong.
Look in proverbs chapter twenty seven in verse six.
The Bible says they are faithful are the wounds of a friend. Do you see that?
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Uh, friend will love you enough to confront you when you’ve done wrong.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
You know what the kisses of an enemy are? That’s flattering.
Now we have a lot of people who love to flatter us.
But flattery is a lot like perfume. You can sniff it, but don’t swallow it.
Do you know the difference between the flatterer and the hypocrite?
Their their first cousins, but the hypocrite will say behind your back what he will not say to your face, But flatterer says to your face what he won’t say behind your back.
That’s the kisses of an enemy of deceitful. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
Thank god for those who love us enough to put their arms around our shoulders and tell us when there’s something that needs to be corrected.
You see, a friend shares, a friend sharpens I’ll tell you what else a real friend does.
He sticks. He sticks.
Remember our text Proverbs chapter seventeen verse seventeen, a friend, loveth, at all times.
If you wanna know who your real friends are, make a mistake, Make a mistake.
But, uh, a real friend is a man who stays with you.
Now, the Bible says in proverbs eighteen verse twenty four, there’s a friend that stick closer than a brother.
He sticks. He stays. And one of the great admonitions about friendship is found in Proverbs chapter twenty seven in verse ten, by an own friend and thy father’s friend forsake not.
Don’t forsake a friend, thine own friend. And thy father’s friend forsake not.
Remember that definition of friendship, a friend is somebody who walks in when the whole world walks out.
Not a fair weather friend who jumps on board when the the the sun is shining and the wind is soft, but gets overboard or steps off when the rough time comes.
A friend is somebody who shares. A friend is somebody who sharpens.
A friend is somebody who sticks And if you’ve got some friends, thank god for them.
We all have a lot of acquaintances, but thank god for friends. Now that those are the marks of friendship.
How do you make friends? Let’s talk about the making of friends. You say, I want a friendship.
I want some friends. Well, let me tell you that friendships are built They’re not, uh, they don’t happen overnight.
They’re not like toadstools, they’re more like oak trees.
There are five secrets.
In making a friend, I’m gonna give them to you in a moment,
but all five of these secrets come out of one great principle.
And that principle was given by the lord Jesus Christ, not pop psychology, but deep, deep truth.
It’s found in Luke chapter six and verse thirty one.
As ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise?
Now that is the principle. Now there are five secrets that come out of that principle.
As a matter of fact, there was a man named, uh, Dale Carnegie, who wrote a book, how to win friends and influence people.
And I don’t know whether you agree with all of Dale Carnegie or not.
Certainly, he was not writing by divine inspiration like the writers of the scriptures, but he said one thing in that book that is absolutely true in my estimation.
Here it is. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people.
Than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
So many of us are so self centered. Are we not?
Jesus said as you would that men should do to you. Do ye also likewise to them?
What are these five secrets? Number one, people want to be accepted.
Jesus called his disciples friends, were they perfect? Uh, they were a motley crew.
But Jesus opened his arms, his heart, his love, his mind, he accepted them. I’ve told you before.
Jesus does not change us so he can love us. He loves us. So he can change us.
We are accepted by the grace of god, and we ought to accept others by the grace of god acceptance.
That’s the first one of these five secrets. Number two, people want to be acknowledged.
If you accept somebody, you’ve got to acknowledge them. You’ve got to know that they’re there.
The road to the heart is often through the ear. We need to pay attention to people.
When people speak, when they’re around us, give them your full attention, give them your eye contact.
Don’t be like that husband who said I’m concerned about my wife.
She always goes around the house talking to herself.
And his friend said, does she does she know she’s doing it? He said, no.
She thinks I’m listening to her.
I can say this that that husband wasn’t much of a friend.
Did you know that active listening is a godlike quality? It’s a godlike quality. Psalm thirty four verse fifteen.
The eyes of the lord are upon the righteous and his ears are open unto their cry.
Do you know what that means? God’s eyes and god’s ears are on you.
God’s eyes and god’s ears are on you.
If you want people to know you, love you, appreciate you Put your eyes on them.
Open your ears to them, and you’ll be like god.
The psalmist said in Psalm one sixteen verse one, I love the lord.
Because he hath heard my voice and my supplication.
When you when you acknowledge a person, do you know what you’re saying to that person?
You are important to me. People need acceptance. They need to be acknowledged.
The third thing they need, they need to be appreciated.
Find something in somebody that you can compliment and appreciate.
Psychologist William James said the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
You’ll find in the Bible when the apostle Paul, he had a lot of problems he had to deal with with people in the Bible, and he wrote those epistles But almost every time before he was about to jump on them for something wrong that they’ve done, he would say some word of appreciation or some word of commendation.
Appreciation, learn to appreciate people. People want to be accepted. They wanna be acknowledged.
They wanna be appreciated, and they want to be affirmed. We live in a negative world.
Do you know why people have difficulty doing these first three things?
Because they themselves have such a negative self image.
We have a problem of teenage suicides.
So many of these teenage suicides are with teenage kids who need to be affirmed They need to be loved.
They have a negative self image. They are the victims of constant put downs and live in a fearful society.
They feel they cannot cope. They feel they’re not appreciated.
Therefore, they’re not affirmed, and many of them have the idea well. I’m nobody on campus.
My parents don’t appreciate shape me, they never affirm me.
But if I’m dead, maybe there’ll be some tears shed for me at the high school.
Maybe then somehow, uh, I will be the the the subject of somebody’s sympathy and affirmation.
Now people want to be affirmed.
The Bible says a hypocrite with his mouth destroyed his neighbor.
But through knowledge shall the just be delivered. And that’s been paraphrased, evil words destroy.
Godly skill rebuilds. And people wanna be assured. I mean, by that, they want empathy.
They want understanding The Bible says in the book of Romans chapter twelve verse fifteen, we’re to rejoice with those that rejoice and weep with them that weep.
I’m gonna tell you something. When people are going through heartache and tears and problems, they’re not primarily interested in your answers to their problems.
They’re not primarily interested in your solutions, your cures, I’ll tell you what they will be interested in.
And if you sit down, cry with them a little bit.
Just assure them that you care, that you know a gentle touch, a tender hand.
Now we’ve talked to you about the marks of true friendship.
We’ve talked to you about the making of true friends.
Let me talk to you about the maintenance of a friendship.
Because you see when you build a friendship, you’ve got to maintain it.
Uh, it it’s gotta be maintained.
Remember our tech a friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity, adversity.
Friendshiphips are difficult to maintain. Don’t have too many of them.
Now Proverbs eighteen verse twenty four, One translation gives it this way.
Uh, he who would have friends might show himself friendly.
But the new American standard renders it this way, a man of many friends will come to ruin.
I thought, well, how could they say that?
He must show himself friend, uh, who would have friends must show himself friendly.
Amanda many friends will come to ruin. Doesn’t even sound like the same verse.
What you think about it, it’s just the same thing rendered a different way.
I prefer he who would have friends must show himself friendly, but what it means is this Don’t have more friends than you can show yourself friendly to.
Uh, don’t get overextended with your friendships. You have a lot of acquaintances.
But genuine friends are costly. They cost time. They cost effort. There is an investment.
Uh, a a friend is born. A brother is born for adversity. And you’ve got to maintain your friendship.
Uh, it’s costly, but it’s worth it. But you’ve got to maintain that friendship.
That’s the reason old Ben Franklin said, be slow in choosing a friend and slower in changing a friend.
Friends can bring personal, social, emotional, and financial demands upon you, which you’ve got to maintain your friendship.
Now here’s the last thing I wanna say. We’ve talked to you about the marks of a friendship.
We’ve talked to you about the making of a friendship. We’ve talked to you about the maintenance of a friendship.
Now church, listen to your pastor.
I want to speak to you about the ministry of a friendship. The ministry of a friendship.
Now let me tell you what the lord Jesus Christ did with his friendship.
The lord Jesus ministered to us look, if you will, in in John chapter fifteen, and verse thirteen.
Great of love have no man than this, that a man laid down his life for his friends.
You are my friends if you do whatsoever. I command you.
Now the lord Jesus Christ here is talking about his ministry laying down his life for his friends.
Jesus was a friend of sinners That’s why they crucified him.
There are lost people out there who need the love and the friendship of Jesus Christ And we are now his body, and we’re now to be reaching out to this community that is perishing for love and for friendship.
Now let me give you some practical ways, some practical ways that we can do this as a congregation.
Number one, we as the leaders, and I’m talking about Sunday school teachers. I’m talking about beacons.
I’m talking about staff. I’m talking about committee personnel. We need to set the tone and the atmosphere.
We need ourselves to be approachable and real.
We need to learn people not as simply numbers, but as names, memorize names.
Now next, listen. Listen. I’m just talking about practical things church.
Put a welcome sign on your face. Put it on your face.
Learn to smile. Learn to laugh, laugh his music, laughter is.
Learn to laugh at yourself. You’ve got a lot to laugh about.
We as a church need to watch our first impressions when people come in here.
Statistic say that people make up their mind in the first twelve minutes, whether they’re going to feel at home and whether they’re going to like a church or whether or not.
The first twelve minutes when they come here.
Sometimes it starts on the parking lot, but it certainly starts when they come in these doors.
I don’t want them to meet an usher. Looks like an advanced agent for the undertaker.
They need to be warmly welcomed in our church.
And friend, you may be the first person they meet when they get on these grounds.
What am I trying to say? I don’t wanna give you a whole course in this.
But what I’m saying is folks, listen, we have got to begin to love people to Jesus.
There is a ministry of friendship.
We’ve got to show the beauty, the love, the grace, the kindness of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
You say, oh, but pastor our class is so friendly. You may think it is.
You may think that you were friendly this morning.
When I said turn around and shake hands, you probably shook hands with four people you knew and didn’t meet a stranger.
Most of our so called fellowships or sacred societies for snubbing sinners.
We have little holy huddles. And we say, oh, don’t we love one another?
And over there, stand in the center. And and we never invite him in.
Now not every visitor is a sinner, not every member is a saint.
But what I need to say is that we need to include people. Jesus did.
Now folks, listen to me. This may be you say, well, pastor, this is not all that inspiring.
Not trying to be inspiring this morning. I just wanna be helpful. I just wanna be helpful.
You say, well, pastor, I just don’t have any friends.
Well, make some friends, make some friends for Jesus.
You say, well, I thought I was supposed to be, uh, separate from sinners.
Well, Jesus did not condemn lost people. There’s a difference in acceptance and approval.
You can accept people without approving
what they do. The time is gone. Listen to me. Listen to me.
Jesus. Jesus was crucified.
For being a friend of sinners.
If you’re here to date without him, I wanna tell you he loves you more than I can say.
You say, well, I I’m grateful for his love, but I don’t do I have to admit that I’m a sinner?
To have his love all of sin.
If Jesus were not a friend of sinners, I would be sunk.
I would be sunk. Thank god that he loves me.
And if god has loved me, then I need to love you.
If god has accepted me, then I for Christ’s sake can accept you.
Folks, We need to be a family of friends as a church.
Not merely for time, but for eternity. Let’s bow our heads together in prayer.
Father god, I pray in the name of Jesus, uh, that you will lay this truth upon our hearts.
And lord, because of the best friend, the lord Jesus, may we be his friend and a friend to those that he loves.
And lord teach us how to make friends forever.
Now while heads are bowed and eyes are closed, would you just pray that god will lay some souls upon your heart?
Would you pray anew and afresh that god will make you a soul winner?
That god will make you a maker of friends.
We’re not talking about button holding people and saying, brother, are you ready to meet god?
We’re just talking about showing the love of Jesus.
Caring about people, making them feel at home when they’re at god’s house, making friends and bringing them to special opportunities.
Would you pray that god will do that in your heart and in your life?
And have you not yet met the lord Jesus as your personal friend?
Would you like to pray right now and invite him into your heart?
I invite you to pray this way, dear god.
If you’re not certain that you’re saved right now, pray this way, dear god.
I need to be saved. My sin deserves judgment, but I want mercy.
Jesus, you died to save me. You promised to save me if I would trust you.
I do trust you, Jesus. You pray that prayer? Pray it in your heart.
I do trust you, Jesus. Right now this moment.
I trust you to save me.
I receive you by faith now as my personal Lord and savior.
Thank you for saving me.
I receive it by faith. You’re now my lord.
My saved my god and my friends.
Lord, Jesus, Because you died for me,
I will live for
you, and I will not be ashamed of you. Because you died for me.
In your name, I pray, amen.