I’m gonna do what I can. I’m gonna do what I can.
Um This don’t have nothing to do with my message, but I was on the road for 15 days.
This is my ninth time preaching in 15 days. And um thank you. Thank you. Then say that thank you.
But I just want you to know there was nowhere I went that my husband wasn’t with me.
And so baby, I just wanna honor you for holding me down, being in my front, my back, my side for praying for covering, for loving on me.
You make it look easy. You put your world on pause to step into my universe.
And I thank you for giving me an environment to flourish.
Truly, you make it easy to be a power couple. So I thank you, baby.
Every genre. Every era, every decade of life has with a zeitgeist.
This is a German word that means spirit of the times.
When we look over at history, we’ll see that there were different decades and those decades each had a different zeitgeist.
In the sixties, we saw the rise of the civil rights movement that was a part of the zeitgeist of the time, the twenties where the jazz age, the eighties gave way to electronic music and hip hop.
The seventies proves that when y’all say our music is nasty that y’all must have forgot that the seventies was make love, not war.
And y’all weren’t talking about agape love.
I saw some of the footage and some of you all were at Woodstock.
I don’t know if you were evangelizing but they told me they saw you with flowers in your head.
It wasn’t a crown of thorns.
I don’t wanna be in your business every decade has a zeitgeist.
It’s hard to say what this one will be.
And of course, it takes time playing out to really understand in context in the fullness of a perspective what the zeitgeist is.
But I cannot imagine a world where the zeitgeist of this time doesn’t include a conversation around wellness.
Now, more than ever, there has been an emphasis on the discussion of mental and emotional wellness in a way that is unprecedented for the preceding times.
It’s so interesting because initially I thought that maybe it was just a part of the zeitgeist of black culture.
Like because black people don’t talk about mental health, we weren’t talking about depression, we weren’t talking about anxiety, but then I went and talked to my white friends and my white friend says, girl, we weren’t talking about it over here either.
An Asian community say that it’s not something that’s talked about heavily there either in the Latinx community says, no, like we’re not talking about that here either.
Y’all didn’t know I had that Spanish. I pulled that out for you.
Evidently there are no communities that have talked about mental and emotional wellness in the way that we do.
Now, as a result of this rising trend in talking about mental and emotional wellness, there is an age old term that has now become more relevant.
That word is triggered. If you see it on social media or now you’ll maybe hear someone saying I, I can’t do that.
It triggers me. I’m just triggered, I’m triggered, I’m triggered.
The word triggered wasn’t very popular at least when I was growing up.
But now it’s difficult to have a conversation with anyone who was seeking to live a life that is fully conscious, fully aware of their past traumas and present goals without hearing the word trauma trigger.
I want to define it for you. For the sake of our conversation.
A trigger is defined as something that affects your emotional state often significantly by causing extreme overwhelm or distress.
A trigger affects your ability to remain present in the moment.
So when someone says they’re triggered, it means I was here.
But then I heard a song, there was a smell, there was a memory and though I was here physically, my mind, my spirit is snatched back to an experience that I had that most of the time is traumatic trigger.
The word itself is actually quite neutral, but most of the time when we’re using the word trigger, it is to express a negative or adverse experience.
So I did a little history on the word triggered.
And what I learned is that this term actually started rising in the mental health space in the 19 eighties.
It was a way of helping post Vietnam veterans who had been diagnosed with PTSD to understand what was happening to them.
How, how fitting is it that those Post Vietnam veterans have a word called triggered as they are a part of the armed forces.
And before it became a word that was used in the mental health space, it is a word that we generally correlate with a weapon.
So I looked at that definition because I wanted to understand how did we go from using the the trigger on a weapon to then correlate it with what happens to our mental health.
What I learned is that a trigger in the mechanical sense is a mechanism that actuates the function of arranged weapon such as a firearm, air gun, crossbow or spear gun.
The trigger is a mechanism that actuates the function.
So when we look at it from the psychological standpoint, and we look at it from the mechanical standpoint, what we have is that a trigger actuates the function of my past experience into my present.
It actuates the function of that experience, the fear connected to it is now activated because I have been triggered, whatever you experience whatever function it had in your life.
When you’re triggered, it actuates that function. That’s why you’re defensive. And nobody really said anything that bad to you.
It’s just that it actuated the function of that. That’s why you start talking crazy. That’s why you shut down.
That’s why you get angry before you can even control yourself.
Because the moment I’m triggered, it actuates the function of what happened to me.
And so most of us depending on where you are in your wellness journey have two different angles at how we handle our triggers.
Some of us choose to avoid them. I don’t listen to that music. It triggers me.
Can’t talk to that person. It triggers me. I can’t have that conversation.
I can’t go back home. I can’t read that book. It triggers me.
It reminds me of a season of my life where I wasn’t at my best where I was a victim where I was hurt, where I was wounded, it actuates that function.
And so I stay away from it.
The only problem with this is that often when we avoid our triggers, we also avoid the healing connected to those moments.
And so as uncomfortable as it is to stay in the resistance to stay in the tension of being triggered, there is a beauty in doing that second option and that is confronting your triggers.
When we confront our triggers, we say to ourselves, I am not going back to that experience so that I can experience it again.
I’m going back to that experience so that I can give it language so that I can give it expression.
So I can say now what I wasn’t able to say, then I’m afraid I’m hurt, I’m wounded and so I could avoid the trigger or I could dare to turn around and confront the trigger so that the trigger no longer dictates who I am anymore.
It no longer dictates what’s possible for me, it no longer dictates who I am in relationship with or whether or not I have boundaries because I am learning to confront my triggers.
When you confront your triggers, you have the opportunity to not only just give it language, but you have the ability to say to that version of yourself what you weren’t able to say, then sometimes God allows us to be triggered, not because he wants to remind us of what we went through.
But because you have a testimony now that you did not have then and if you would, wouldn’t mind being triggered, then you could go back to then and say I got something to tell you about now that’s gonna make then easier to deal with.
I wish I could say that the way I feel it in my spirit, but I just feel like some he has something now that they needed back then.
And you think because you have it now that you can’t get it then.
But I hear God saying, if you allow yourself to be triggered, then you can go back and tell that season where you felt like the weapon was prospering that.
In fact, it did not prosper. You can go back and tell that shame.
I know you thought I would never make it to the other side.
But I messed around and found out I actually am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I know you didn’t think that I would ever recover from that abuse.
I know you thought that I would always be damaged to good.
But while I am triggered, I wanna go ahead and let you know that I actually did find wholeness.
I wanna let you know that I actually did experience the presence of God.
I actually wanna go ahead and let you know that I built the family.
I wanna go ahead and let you know that I broke the generational curse.
I wanna go ahead and let you know that what happened then didn’t change what God has for me now.
Can I go deeper? Ok.
I gotta take my shoes off because I feel like we’re gonna get a little ugly today and I don’t have time to be cute when we uh moved back to Dallas in August.
I got triggered. Oh I love y’all. I like it.
Something about moving away and becoming someone different.
That made me feel like if I came back here, maybe I was going backwards and I come into church and I feel anxiety in my chest and I feel fear in my chest and I feel like people were staring at me and people were judging me.
And I realized that what I was experiencing in this moment was not really true to what I was experiencing in this moment.
I was being triggered from when I was 13 years old and pregnant.
Oh, but I know something about now that I didn’t know.
Then what I know now that I didn’t know then is that the same anointing was inside of me when I was pregnant with my son?
I just didn’t know that when I was pregnant with him, I was also pregnant with this.
And so when I started getting triggered, I said I’m gonna stay in the tension of being triggered in this moment because I know I’m not a 13 year old pregnant girl anymore.
And there was no way that God could transform my life and then bring me back to this moment to take me backwards.
So God, if you got me standing in the place of the pain, then maybe I got something to inform the pain.
Somebody’s got some information for your past. Somebody has got a revelation about who you were.
God says not every trigger is meant to destroy you.
Some triggers are meant to deliver you.
Some triggers are meant to help you go back and get the pieces of yourself that you thought you would never get back again.
God says some of these triggers are meant to help you heal.
Oh oh God, I feel you Moses trying to stay on subject.
Oh Moses is evidence that God will send you back.
He spends 40 years in Egypt, but he’s got to leave Egypt because he keeps getting triggered in Egypt because I’m not quite Hebrew, I’m not quite Egyptian.
And when I see the Hebrews, I get upset with the Egyptians, but the Hebrews won’t accept me.
He’s torn in between these different identities.
And so instead of staying there in the tension of the triggers, he leaves and that’s ok too because there are some moments where in order to truly heal, you do need to avoid the triggers that keep pulling you back.
Sometimes you do need to change your playlist.
Sometimes you do need to change the way you interact with others, especially when you’re in a season where you’re trying to figure out who am I really.
But after he’s been in Midian for 40 years, the Lord appears to him and the Lord appears to Moses with one purpose and one purpose only.
And that is to send him back to the place where he was triggered.
But this time when he goes back, he’s not going back the same.
He’s going back with an encounter that empowers him to be who God has called him to be.
That’s real good to me.
Some of us wanna go back to the place where we experience pain without an encounter and that’s why we get hurt and wounded again because we haven’t been empowered to really deliver ourselves or others.
And so we go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, but you can have an encounter with God that empowers you in such a way that when you go back, you don’t have to worry about actually going back because I’m not here to stay, I’m here to deliver.
I’m not here to go back to who I used to be.
I’m here to see if anybody wants to grow with me.
I’m here to see if anybody wants to evolve with me.
I’m here to see if anybody else wants to break out of this prison.
I’m here to see if anyone else wants to be broken out of this oppression.
When Moses goes back, he has to know within himself that I’m not the same person who left and because I’m not the same person who left.
When I go back, I got something to deliver that I could have never delivered.
Had I stayed, I could have never, oh I don’t know who that is for.
But I hear like God is saying that there are some people who had to leave, but just because you had to leave it doesn’t mean that you have to stay gone.
That sometimes God sends you back to a place after you have had an encounter that can stretch the capacity for what’s possible for the people you left behind.
I know we live in a culture in society where we, I think we have to leave everyone behind.
But I’m here to let you know that sometimes you only leave them behind for a moment and when you go, oh God, I feel like preaching in this place.
When you go back to where you left, the people you left are not the same people you left anymore.
You think they’re stuck in their old ways but maybe just like you change, they change, they’re ready for something different.
They’re hungry for something beyond where they have been restricted.
They wanna know that there is a promised land somewhere out of there.
I wanna talk to somebody with Survivor’s guilt because you were the one who got away.
You are the one who changed everything.
And I hear God saying you’re the lone survivor for now, but you’re only the lone survivor until I turn you into the deliverer.
When I turn you into the deliverer, you will not be the only survivor any longer because I’m gonna send you back to unlock what’s on the inside of them.
I’m gonna send you back hungry for what happened to you.
I’m gonna send you back with an encounter and a revelation. That shows them.
There’s something better than this. There’s a different way of peeing.
There’s a different way of proceeding. There’s a different way of building a marriage.
There’s a different way of making money. There’s a different way of building ministry.
There’s a different way of loving your wife. There’s a different way of loving your husband.
I don’t know what you escape from, but I hear God saying that you gotta leave the door open and sometimes you’re gonna be the Harriet Tubman of your family, the Harriet Tubman of your community, the Harriet Tubman of your generation, the Harriet Tubman of your school.
I gotta send you back. You won’t get stuck but you’re going back, you won’t get lost but you’re going back because I got a mission.
You left something behind, you left something behind. You left the revelation of who I am in the world.
When you walked away, you walked away from a part of your destiny.
I don’t know who I’m talking to to in this place.
But I hear God saying that I’m not allowing you to experience all of that revelation and all of that encounter so that you can keep it bottled up on the inside of you that I’m letting you experience it because there’s gonna come a time when everything I placed on the inside of you.
Oh So that it can draw everybody to the very glory that changed your life. No.
So Moses start going back.
He’s back. What a revelation.
You got to stop screaming like that because it do something in my spirit.
It make me think you’re getting free and make me think that you’re ok with what happened to you and make me think that you believe all things could work together for your good.
You gotta stop screaming like that. Something happened to me.
Girl, I’ve been preaching about revival when somebody starts waking up like that.
I feel like hell gets nervous when somebody starts waking up like that.
I feel like demons start trembling when somebody starts waking up like that. A generational blessing comes through.
So Moses has got to go back.
He’s armed with a word. He’s armed with a mission. He’s armed with a purpose.
He’s got some confusion but he’s still, he’s got to go back.
He doesn’t know how God’s going to use them, but he’s got to go back.
He doesn’t understand where the words are gonna come from, but he’s got to go back.
He doesn’t know how long the journey is gonna be, but he’s got to go back and all he has is a promise.
All he has is an encounter. All he has is a revelation.
So the only thing he really has to do is resist the urge to not get stuck in confusion.
I got the word. I’ve got the vision.
I’ve even got the supporting cast necessary for me to do what God has called me to do.
But I’m still confused because I don’t know how or why God would use me, but I’m gonna go anywhere.
Must be right. Can’t get stuck and confusion when you have a command.
I mean, you can do whatever you wanna do.
But if you’re really gonna be effective, you can’t wait until you’re clear on why it’s you and how it’s you and how long it’s gonna be you.
Because if you’re waiting for clarity, you may miss the anointing connected to the command.
Some of us are moving confused. You think we look good? You think we have it all together?
I’m telling you that some of us are just saying yes, confused.
Some of us are just saying yes with a shoulder shrug.
Some of us don’t know really how we made it over.
We just know that we decide to keep on moving. Our lands got tired. They left us too.
They betrayed us too. We didn’t know where the resources were coming from either.
But for some reason, we just kept on moving because we knew we couldn’t go back and we knew when God said move, we had to move.
And so we were moving confused and the more we moved, the more he started clearing it up.
Oh So that’s how you’re gonna do it. Oh So that’s who you’re gonna use moving.
He’s clearing my eyesight when I’m moving, he’s making my crooked path straight when I’m moving, he’s ordering my steps just when I don’t know where it’s gonna land.
He says right there, sit right there, preach right there, walk right there.
I’m gonna tell you as you go.
When you move, I’ll give you the next step. When you obey, I’ll give you the next step.
What am I gonna do with this ride? Just hang on to it. You’ll see it.
What am I gonna do with this pain? Just hang on to it. Just wait. I’m gonna use it.
What are you gonna do with this gift? Just hang on to it.
I’m gonna use it when I need it. I’m gonna use it when the sea is ready.
I’m gonna use it.