Does God Hate Divorce? | Therapy & Theology

When Marriage Breaks — God’s Heart, Truth, and Compassion

Divorce is one of those subjects that cuts deep. For many of us it’s the sharpest hurt we’ve ever known — and it doesn’t always feel understood or allowed room in our faith communities. Today we want to sit with that pain honestly, starting not from our opinions but from Scripture, humility, and compassion.

We believe deeply in God’s design for marriage. Marriage is meant to be a living picture of Christ’s self-giving love for his people. Yet we also know reality: brokenness happens. Sometimes marriage becomes destructive — not merely difficult — and the very covenant meant to reflect God’s goodness turns chaotic and harmful. The Bible gives us language to navigate that, and it’s worth looking carefully at what it does — and doesn’t — say.

Beginning in Genesis matters. In the creation story God calls the whole of his work “good,” and then crowns it by making humankind — male and female — in his image. Those two words, “image” and “likeness,” aren’t just poetic; in the ancient Near East they signified royal children of a king. From the start the Bible insists that both men and women bear divine worth and dignity. That identity — child of God — comes before any social title like husband or wife. Remembering that keeps us from reducing a person to their marital role.

Marriage, then, is two image-bearers coming together to reflect God. Because of the Fall, humanity is broken: we have the status of being God’s image-bearers but we fail to live up to the standard that implies. That’s why marriage requires work, responsibility, repentance, and the Holy Spirit’s renewing power. When those elements are absent and one partner persistently acts in ways that harm the other — addiction, abuse, ongoing unfaithfulness — the relationship becomes destructive, not merely painful.

Which brings us to the phrase many of you have heard — “God hates divorce.” Where does that come from, and how should we understand it? The phrase often traces back to a particular rendering of Malachi 2:16 in older translations. But translation matters. The Bible wasn’t written in English; Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek carry nuance that sometimes gets flattened in translation. Read carefully, and in context, Malachi is not saying God himself is the subject who hates divorce as a blanket condemnation of those who are hurt. Instead, it’s describing the hateful manner in which a partner may pursue divorce — an injustice that covers their garment with violence. In other words, the verse condemns abusive, treacherous behavior that destroys covenantal trust, not the wounded person who suffers the consequences.

That linguistic nuance matters because the simple slogan “God hates divorce” can be weaponized. It can be used to shame someone who has been forced out of marriage by another’s persistent sin. It can also be offered as a simplistic command: stay no matter what. The Bible does call marriage covenantal and serious — God is the witness and judge of how we treat one another — yet God’s heart toward his broken children is not condemnation but grief and compassion. Picture a loving Father whose image-bearers wound one another; of course he is displeased with the violence and betrayal, but his heart is with the one who bears the brunt of that harm.

We must also distinguish between a hard season in marriage and a marriage that has become destructive. True repentance looks like the Psalm 51 kind of brokenness — a whole-hearted, 180° turning away from sin, not the hollow “sorry I got caught.” Practically, repentance shows itself in ownership, humility, willingness to make concrete repair, and an attentiveness to the pain caused. You can tell hope when someone listens, asks, and says, “Tell me more about how this hurt you,” rather than defensively minimizing or blaming.

For those who have walked through an unwanted divorce, I want to say this plainly: God does not hate you. He is not displeased with you. He cherishes you. If you stayed with faithfulness and tried every faithful avenue and yet found yourself forced into a painful reality, you do not carry God’s wrath. You carry the tender care of a Father who sees your courage and your grief and walks with you in the slow business of healing.

I know how heavy that burden can be because I’ve lived with it. When my own marriage moved toward divorce, I wrestled with fear and spiritual anxiety — terrified that I’d offended God in the deepest way. What helped was not platitudes but people who could read Scripture carefully with me, who could help me see nuance, and who offered both truth and pastoral care. That’s why conversations like this matter: misread Scripture, and a person can carry a spiritual lie for years — a label that becomes a chain.

So as we talk about divorce, let’s agree to set aside our agendas and come humbly to the text — but also to the people sitting in pain. Let’s refuse simplistic slogans that wound and, instead, hold both God’s ideal and God’s compassion together. If one of God’s image-bearers has been harmed, God’s heart is beside them, not against them. He grieves the violence and longs for restoration, healing, and justice where possible.

This is the start of the conversation. There is more to say about repentance, restoration, and pastoral care — and we’ll continue to unpack this in the next episode. For now, if you are walking through an unwanted divorce: you are not rejected by God. You are held.