How Thoughts Affect Marriage – Pt 1 | Enjoying Everyday Life | Joyce Meyer

Calling all married folks! Today on Enjoying Everyday Life with Joyce Meyer, Dave Meyer joins Joyce, Ginger, and Erin on the pink couch for a lively discussion on the various ways your thoughts can affect your marriage.

Joyce Meyer, one of the world’s leading practical Bible teachers and New York Times best-selling author, shares encouragement and advice to help us enjoy our daily lives.

With a heart to share Christ and love people, Joyce’s messages help people in all walks of life to grow in their faith, learn to study the Bible, find healing from the wounds of life, get answers to life’s questions and encounter the love of God in a powerful way.

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She asked me the other day, she said, what do you think about marriage?
I said, I don’t think. I don’t think about marriage. I do marriage.
I’m Joyce Meyer, and I believe that God can heal you everywhere you hurt.
Hi, and welcome to enjoying everyday life.
Today, we have a special show for you.
It is the man, the myth, the legend, Dave Meyer, and he is joining us today on the set of the Talk It Out podcast to discuss how your thoughts affect your marriage.
Uh-oh. Yeah. What are you thinking about your spouse? It matters.
So you also know Joyce will have plenty to add to this conversation as well.
Joyce and Dave have been married for 57 years. They have a lot of life experience to share.
So get nestled in, grab a cup of coffee.
You will not want to miss this time of sharing stories, wisdom, and laughs.
You have no idea what we have planned for you,
so Alright.
For Josh?
Yeah. No. For you.
You, Dave. Okay.
I can walk off to set an entire one.
He’s already starting with threats. Welcome to Talk It Out. Yeah. Right.
We have a special guest with us today on the show, one of your favorite guests of all time, Dave Myers, here with all of the ladies today.
Yay. And we know that the the marriage episode that we did quite a while ago, um, is the top played episode of all of Talk It Out.
So, Dave, you, you’re the smash hit here.
Well, they just wanna see what’s behind Joyce. Who’s the guy behind the lady?
Yeah. Right.
And I think a lot of people wanna talk about their marriage a little bit too.
So today, we’re continuing our reoccurring series on what are you thinking, and today, we’re gonna talk about the importance of marriage and the way that we think really impacts our our relationships, whether you’re married or not, this is gonna be really helpful, but, um, there’s there’s no way around it.
You can think yourself into a worse marriage sometimes.
Oh, yeah.
After 56 and a half years, trust me. I’ve learned how to think right. Wow.
You both said, oh, yeah. 56 and a half years.
56 and a half years. Yep.
That’s quite an accomplishment.
It is. It is.
How is how has your thinking about each other, about marriage in general changed through those years?
Uh, quite drastically.
Uh, in the beginning, of course, I mean, with Joyce, you know, having gone through the childhood she went through, it was very difficult.
But, uh, in those years, she was like a yo yo. Mhmm.
She did a lot of things, uh, erratically because of the hurt she went through.
Right.
And, uh, you know, like I tell people I told people, uh, a couple of times, she wouldn’t talk to me for 3 wouldn’t say one word for 3 weeks when she got mad.
So, you know, those are things that everybody not 3 weeks probably, but, uh, everybody in marriage deals with situations, ups and downs, good and bad.
And
Mhmm.
And, uh, you know, to to have the blessings in marriage, you have you have to go through all those things and learn learn about your wife and and, uh, and your life and how to deal with those situations.
Mhmm. And, uh, now our marriage is so much different because we basically let let each other be themselves.
And, really, that’s God’s design because his design is for, you know, her great qualities to fill my bad qualities or qualities I don’t have.
And my any? Like I knew she’d chime in.
She was waiting for that.
Right.
Are my good qualities to fill in her qualities?
And in the beginning, she had a lot of tough situations and bad qualities that, you know, uh, I had to be strong enough to live through.
And and God yeah. I mean, I can’t say it.
It’s my it was my, uh, effort or great ability because God had prepared me for this all, uh, uh, young years growing up, you know, and and, uh, you know, the relationship I have with him.
And so she asked me the other day, she said, uh, what do you think about marriage?
I said, I don’t think. I don’t think about marriage. I do marriage. And basically, what I do is
is Oh, good. Is is
I take, uh, the word of God and apply it in areas that it needs to be applied.
And, really, you can’t do that unless you know the word of God. Yeah.
So so that’s the really, the crux of marriage is, uh, if you if you know the word of God, if you’re privileged to know the word of God, which tells shows you how to deal with situations and you apply that word, then that gets you through those situations.
And so
Like he said, he knew that he couldn’t change me. Right. Mhmm. So he would just he would pray.
Yeah. Well
so there’s a big thing right there.
Yeah. Yeah.
It’s like
because it’d be easy to think she’ll never change.
Mhmm.
Yeah. Well yeah.
And and he said story. I think one of the most important things that Dave has said, I wanna be sure we bring it out on this show, is that he said he knew in the beginning that marriage was forever.
Yeah. Mhmm. Yeah.
So he didn’t start playing that game in his head. If you keep this up Sure. I’m not gonna stay.
You didn’t think about changing.
No. That’s not a problem. You know how many people plan to get a divorce if things don’t Mhmm.
If this doesn’t change, I’m out of here. Mhmm.
If you’ve I’m not gonna put up with this if you don’t change. And he never thought like that.
He said this marriage is forever, and he knew he couldn’t change me, which is the second biggest mistake that everybody makes is they try to change each other.
Yeah.
And, you know, you can’t
It’s an inside job.
Yeah. You can’t possibly know somebody. Well, especially Dave and I.
We had 5 dates and got married, so we’d we didn’t we didn’t know each other at all Mhmm.
At all. And I didn’t even know Dave played golf. And that’s like
Oh, man.
That’s like a major part of our life now. And, uh
You’ve also said, though, that if you had more than 5 dates, that, you know, it may not have worked out this way.
He probably would have seen what he was getting and ran.
I wouldn’t have. That’s so sweet. Supernatural intervention, really. Yeah. Yeah.
For He likes to do like the children.
You know, I like I said, I was looking for a wife at that time.
And, uh, you know, I’d I’d been out of service for 3 years, and and I was dating 3 girls, and I thought, these are not the girls
you, Dave Meyer.
Oh, how about that?
Freeharing. Is faithful without works is dead.
Yeah. Faith without works is dead. I mean, you’re you’re not gonna find the right one.
You gotta sit around and hope they come your way.
And so advice for the singles today.
That it did happen that way.
A a guy needed a ride home and, you know, of course, I I think I shared this on the last show.
A guy I worked with in the engineering field needed a ride home one night, and there she was outside.
And, you know, I had prayed for somebody, and I prayed for somebody that needed help. And, uh
That was a mistake. No.
It wasn’t a mistake. That’s how I got you. And so along comes Joyce.
She’s out there washing her car and shard shorts, and I said, uh, she looks cute. Oh.
And so I back then, you rolled down the windows, you know, the handle was down there. And
It tickles a little bit.
Alright. Alright. Alright.
She said, hey. Yeah. After you’re done washing that car, you wanna wash mine?
And first word comes out of her mouth is, buddy, if you want your car washed, washes yourself.
And so what went off of me was that’s the girl for me. That’s the girl for me.
And, uh, you know, that’s I mean, that had to be a supernatural thing.
It had to be divine intervention. I mean, who would who would think like that?
Yeah. But
So when she was a yo yo in the beginning Yeah.
What did you think? Up
and down.
Up and down.
Yeah. Did you did
you think
about that? No. I knew what she had gone through and why she was in in this situation, why her condition was that way.
And I it didn’t make it, you know, easy or anything, but it it still gave me an an, uh, understanding of where she was and why she was that way.
That’s interesting. That that helped a lot, you know, and like I said, uh, I knew marriage, uh, you know, I’ve been raised in a Christian family, and I knew marriage was for life, and I believe that in my heart.
And, uh, uh, so that wasn’t even an issue.
So the the next step was, okay, we deal with each situation as it comes up, you know.
And you it’s like anything in life.
You learn by experience or growth, you know, little by little, step by step.
And and so we learned about each other and and now now our our marriage is, you know, a great marriage and, uh, of course, it has been for many, many years.
It’s a great marriage and we never have an argument anymore, uh, but we
I think we do occasionally, but he doesn’t think so.
So you argue about If it’s
an argument or not. Yeah.
In the beginning, if we if we had words I call it words.
If we had words, she would I would, uh, after we kinda got over it, I would never remember it.
But she could remember things 2 years back. Oh,
that’s literally
you can.
I mean, she had it charted, one thing after another. You know? I mean, it would come out. Boom. Boom.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
Well, my memory is not that good anymore.
Oh, that’s why
our marriage is
so good. Something to look forward to for all of our marriages.
He was like, when do you keep all this stuff stored? I thought, man.
She has an Excel
spreadsheet. You got a computer for a mind. How do you remember all this stuff?
Because I you know, when it’s over, it’s over. I just forget it. It’s it’s done with you know?
And so go on.
I remember when Dave came to me and he said, you know what?
I’ve tried every way that I know how to make you happy. And you just don’t wanna be happy.
So I’m gonna be happy whether you are or not. Yeah.
And, oh, that infuriated me because he would just go on and enjoy his life no matter how miserable I was.
But it actually was one of the best things he did for me because if you let an unhappy person make you unhappy, then you’re codependent.
Yeah. And Yeah. A lot of people watching are. Yep.
They they wait to see if they can be happy till they see if their kid that’s a problem is happy or their husband that’s a problem is happy.
And each one of us is responsible for our own joy.
Yes. We are.
And so he went ahead and enjoyed his life.
And eventually, I thought it became an example to me. And I wanted what he had. Mhmm.
So for Christian people watching, if you’re married to somebody that’s either an unbeliever or somebody that’s a wounded believer, you you need to live the Christian life in front of them.
Don’t stay so busy trying to get them to do what’s right, but you just be stable in doing what’s right.
Yeah.
And that really had a greater impact on me than anything.
And then as far as thinking is concerned, one of the big mistakes that I made is I would always think about what was wrong with Dave.
Yeah. And that’s what we shouldn’t do.
Because if you if you took a list and you wrote down everything that’s right with the person you’re married to and everything that’s wrong with them, I can pretty much guarantee that the right list would be a lot longer than the wrong list.
I did that one day.
Did it and it was that right?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
It took some work, though, because I was really mad that day. Yeah. But it it did take some work.
Yeah. So the wrong things are at the forefront of your mind.
Those all came out that long.
The wrong list
got longer
for you.
For the good. I did.
But it helped.
But it’s like when we focus on those things, then you forget all the good things. Mhmm. Yeah.
And what we need to do is pray about the things that are bothering us and always remembering.
You know, anytime you pray for somebody else, you better do it with some humility.
Because you got issues too. Mhmm. Yeah.
And, uh That is such a good point. Yeah.
I mean,
I just Yeah. Anytime I pray about something that I think is wrong with somebody else, I always say, you know, I got plenty of issues of my own, so I do this with all humility.
And the other thing is, uh, when you pray for somebody, uh, don’t expect everything to work out perfect right off the bat.
Matter of fact, it usually gets worse because then when you’re praying and God’s working on them, then their flesh is gonna act up.
And people, uh, think, well, prayer didn’t work. But that’s that’s the time to get get encouraged, not discouraged.
And most people get discouraged because they think their prayer isn’t working when in in actuality, it is working.
Yeah. I had that exact experience, um, praying for Tim.
And I I had prayed this verse that I knew God gave me for him for for years in our marriage when this problem came to light that he had a problem with pornography.
And at first, I was like, God, how can this be?
You know, I’ve been praying this for so long, and so why are we having this come up now?
And and it was just like God told me so clearly in my spirit, it it’s come up now because you’ve been praying this.
He’s going to deal with it. You’re gonna get past it. Exactly. Yeah. So it it does.
It feels like Yeah. The prayer wasn’t answered.
Everything fell apart instead, and sometimes you have to get to that point for the prayer to be answered.
That’s right.
Because that’s true. When God starts dealing with you, you usually act worse. Yeah. That’s so true.
And, uh, so you see, now when I act bad, you can just
God’s working. Yes. God’s answering my prayers.
A certain amount of time.
Well, we do love it when when Joyce is teaching, and she always uses so many great stories about Dave.
And every now and then, Dave disagrees on on a story.
And He thinks I exaggerate. I I don’t know how anybody could think that I would exaggerate.
You embellish embellish stories, and
that Nice.
That means you add to.
Well, we’re gonna take a look at one of those experiences that that we had at a conference, and then we’re gonna come back and dissect it and talk about a few of the things that come up in this conversation.
It’s gonna be fun. Watch this.
Dave did a little shopping today,
and he bought 2 paintings
that he loved and guess who didn’t?
And do they match anything in the house?
Dave likes things to stand out.
But the problem is he wants everything to stand out, so you go in a room and you think you’re going crazy.
Because it’s all standing out.
Okay now, this is between sessions
and I’m not liking this.
And I could feel it coming.
How many of you know you can feel it coming?
It starts somewhere down in here and just moves up.
And here’s the trick, you got to stop it before it gets to your mouth.
I didn’t want the pictures.
I didn’t want to spend the money. But we have them.
And I realized I am going tonight to teach on entering the rest of God.
Come on.
I am going tonight to teach on entering the rest of God and the devil is standing on his head trying to upset me and I’m not going there.
Been there, done that, no thank you.
So he can just put his pictures in his room, in his office, lock himself in there and just figure out what to look at.
He’s talking to me about these paintings and I’ve got like a million things running through my head trying to get ready for all this stuff and I’m like painting, painting, painting, painting.
How much? Much? What And then I had to go see them and I didn’t want to go see them because I didn’t have time to go see them.
And then when I saw them I really didn’t want them, but we have them.
No. No. No.
No.
Do not give him a microphone.
Not he?
You know, this was long overdue.
Go over and
sit down for a minute, will you? It’s been long overdue.
I could have bought I could have bought the most beautiful picture of Jesus and she would have said,
I don’t like it.
Hey, listen. She’s inferring that I I’m always right.
Well, I’m married to miss wrong. Her the problem is her first name is never.
Come on, ladies, help me.
Dave was just saying that you still love those paintings.
Yeah. I still don’t like them.
Do you still have them?
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yes. Absolutely.
You would not believe the artwork that Dave has in his office.
And it’s beautiful. Always beautiful.
Everything in there is different.
It’s a matter of opinion. It’s right.
I know. He’ll have, like, a snow covered mountain and a big sunset. And
A sunset? What sunset?
But he he does have a lot of pictures of me, so that kinda Oh, my god.
Helps counter it off.
Counter it.
So let’s talk about some of the things that came up in that conversation. So
One thing that came up was now now I have freedom to do as many pictures as I want.
Yeah. I did hear that.
Because if she didn’t learn her lesson, I have to keep going. You know? To help teach her.
It’s your duty
to help her do this. He always tells me that that god had him marry me to crucify my flesh, and I said, you’re not far from wrong.
That’s a fortune of it. Yes.
That’s a the difference of opinion has been one that’s come up for us quite a bit, especially in 2020.
So everybody’s opinions about everything. Everybody was talking about their opinions. Big opinions. Big opinions.
And that was also a year that Mike and I started going through some really difficult things, so it exacerbated our difference of opinions.
And he had a really difficult time with the fact that I didn’t agree with him on everything.
He he told me later that it made excuse me, Dave.
I don’t.
He said it made like, for bigger things, it made him feel unsafe that I didn’t think exactly like he thought because he thought that meant we weren’t unified.
And I said, no. I just have a different opinion, and it’s okay.
So I remember reading your book about loving people who are hard to love. It came out around then.
And I there was a couple pages you talked about how you have to learn that it’s okay to disagree, like agree to disagree, and I highlighted it.
And I took a picture and sent it to him, and I
said, this is what we need, because I
think it’s it’s not intuitive to just Yeah. Be okay with that.
Yeah. Well, she was that way. She was that way because of the way she had been treated. Yeah.
And she thought when I disagreed with her on something or I had my opinion on something, when when I actually disagree, I mean, I have an opinion.
She’s got an opinion. You know, if if it if there’s something where we don’t have the same opinion, I’m not saying her opinion is wrong, but I have the right to my opinion.
Yeah. Mhmm.
And so she felt like I was saying her opinion is wrong by voicing my opinion Yeah.
Which is not really the truth. Mhmm. It’s, uh, and
so though if you said you could be right.
So over
And that doesn’t hurt. Yeah. Sure.
Over a period of time, I did. I said I said that.
I said, uh, you have a right to your opinion. I have a right to mine.
And, uh, over a period of time, you know, she has, you know, saw that, you know, because I can see why she couldn’t at at first because of the way she was treated with all of young life growing up.
But then after a period of time, she realized that she was doing that and then I
felt rejected.
Yeah. Yeah.
If he didn’t agree with my opinion. Uh-huh.
And God had to teach me that just because he rejects your opinion Mhmm. Doesn’t mean he’s rejecting you Right.
As a person.
Yeah. And those are hard to sometimes separate. Right. Right.
Yeah. Yeah.
That’s good.
I I remember having having similar things in in our marriage where, you know, we’re just very different what whether it’s opinions or just the way that we handle things or whatever.
And and I remember thinking, I wish you was more like me, which is not the that’s a terrible thing to think.
I mean But you are great. So
Thank you.
And I love you for that. But there are so many things that he brings that I need.
Yes.
I love it. And like you guys were talking about earlier, filling in for one another.
But that thought of, I I wish he was more whatever.
Yeah.
I wish he was less whatever instead of appreciating what God puts in him and how we complement each other and and how he really does help take me places, balance things out, you know, that I wouldn’t go without him.
So that thought process, whether it’s just opinion or we’re meant to be different. That’s that’s the whole point.
Mhmm. Yeah. Most people marry opposites. You know? Yeah.
And that’s the reason is because the strengths that you need, they have. Mhmm.
And the weaknesses that you have, you know, they fill. Mhmm.
Yeah. Tim and I have one that’s very similar to you guys too, and that’s that, uh, I’m a storyteller.
Like, I I’ve been accused of exaggerating, maybe once or twice.
Most women do.
And Probably. But at the same time, I’m a condenser, so, you know, I wanted to have a point.
Sure.
Tim is a detail man. You know, he’s an engineer, so it’s all about the details Yeah.
And the stories. I I can gloss over, and at some point, I’m just like
Yeah.
Get to the point. Yeah. Yeah. You know? I I I don’t need the whole spreadsheet.
Yeah. That’s exactly the way I am.
Everything that’s happening. But I I have also learned to appreciate some of the things that I could gloss over and miss
Mhmm.
That he he brings out and he holds on to. So but that’s taken some time to do.
I told her I told her, you know, you don’t like detail, yet when you teach, you you teach with detail.
Yeah.
And so you know?
Yeah. It’s interesting.
Can’t have both ways.
Yeah. I’m a bottom line person. Uh-huh.
I can go through a museum in 30 minutes, and Dave can be in there for 3 days.
Isn’t it encouraging to see Joyce and Dave navigate a challenging situation with such grace?
And they’re such fun too, so that really helps.
And it just offers hope that everyone can make it, And it did not happen automatically.
They had to learn so much together.
For example, God showed Joyce that Dave was not rejecting her even when he disagreed with her opinion on something, and Dave had a lot to learn along their journey.
It takes God’s help to work through difficult things in all marriages and relationships.
You need God at the center of every marriage.
Today, we want to help you with proven ways to enhance your marriage.
Joyce has written a book called Making Marriage Work.
Inside, you’ll discover ways to take the attention off of the wrong things and put your focus back into looking at Christ as the foundation of your relationship.
You’ll learn how to speak God’s promises over your marriage together. It’s so important.
This book will help you break through any roadblocks that you may have encountered along the way.
We also want to include making marriage great. Just listen to some of the chapters that are in it.
Put the scorecard away. Take time to notice the small things.
Communication is key, and just say no to strife. There’s so much rich content available in this digital download.
And we can all agree that a great marriage isn’t just going to happen. You have to work at it.
You have to invest in it.
And what better way to do that than with our resource offered today to help you fill your life with what God says about your marriage.
So you’ll receive both Making Marriage Work and the digital download, Making Marriage Great Today.
It’s a fantastic way to jump start your marriage, tweak it here or there, or even just give it a complete overhaul.
We hope you’ll join us again tomorrow for the conclusion of our time with Dave and Joyce.
There’s a lot more coming when we’ll be talking more about how your thoughts affect your marriage.
You don’t wanna miss it, and you might want to get your spouse in front of the screen too.
We’ll see you then.
It’s no secret that when we say I do, we want a great marriage.
It’s his grace that has really given us the ability to enjoy each part of our life and allow each other to be themselves, you know, not not try and make them something that they don’t need to be.
What we need to do is pray about the things that are bothering us, always remembering, you know, anytime you pray for somebody else, you better do it with some humility because you got issues too.
With God at the center, Joyce and Dave have made marriage successful for almost 60 years.
And Joyce wants to share advice for you in her book, Making Marriage Work.
Learn how your relationship requires self sacrifice, respect, and celebrating your differences.
Also, we want to include Joyce’s ebook, making marriage great as a bonus. Your marriage is worth it.
Making marriage work and making marriage great are available to you now for your gift of $25 or more.
Contact us right now. Visit online at joycemeyer.org or call 1-800-709-2895.
For more information, visit joycemeyer.org.
This program has been made possible by the partners of Joyce Meyer ministries.