Is It Possible Not To Pick Sides in a Divorce?

This video is taken from the Therapy & Theology episode “How Do I Talk About Divorce With My Kids?” … Watch the full conversation here

Through podcast reviews, direct messages on social media, and more, Lysa TerKeurst; Licensed Professional Counselor Jim Cress; and Proverbs 31 Ministries’ Director of Theological Research, Dr. Joel Muddamalle, collected your most asked questions. Now they’re rolling out a whole new season on Therapy & Theology: “You Asked … We’re Answering.”

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is it possible to not pick sides in a divorce I’m going to go first with this one I really can’t stand it when somebody says you know well there’s two sides to every story yeah that statement for whatever reason was hugely triggering for me because my thought is why are we picking sides this isn’t a spectator sport this is a family being decimated and so instead of picking a side why not just step in and help wherever you can help be silent about things that you don’t need to talk about and if you use words let them be words

of great compassion and not judgment any other things that you guys would like to say as we wrap up yeah I would just say um yeah you’re going to be surprisely so I say yeah you’re going to pick a side and the side is the greatest good of each image Bearer in this discussion and that greatest good might mean sitting boundaries and a separation of relationship or it might be really diving deep into a relationship because there’s so much hurt and there’s so much pain and there’s a vulnerability that

needs to be tended for and cared for but the filter is the greatest good of both image bears and and like I said some sometimes um it’s going to take specific actions depending on the scenario that’s really good Joel I think uh just look in sports um certainly look in politics and we are wired especially in that lower limic brain or if we’re in trauma like the death of a marriage known as a divorce that we wired to pick sides and during that time is for allow that person focusing more on picking than on

picking sides to say what’s going on to me even the kids involved where do they have a safe place to go grieve and process it and and I’m going you know it sounds like bad news as we end here I rarely see what I’m about to say but oh if we could see this more and it is when I work with many couples who’ve gone through divorce I’ve never told one person I won’t you need to divorce that’s not going to be my decision as a therapist I’ve said to them it’s that people do an amical div divorce or if

something goes on and what if your spouse Even’s out there trashing you or whatever else then you can stay unilateral and no matter what goes on is to not for yes the sake of the kids to not try to put them in the middle or you to try to get them campaigning for them to take sides I will tell you I rarely see it hurt people hurt people uh and so appreciative of people who would say I’m going to take this particular healthy Godly high road with what goes on by the way if you rip it and say I took a shot

at my ex repair it at least with your kids say I don’t want to treat you the way that’s still your father that’s still your mother whatever else but I think there’s so much limic trauma brain going on most people are going to pick sides try to get people on their sides I wish that could go differently yeah I would just make the request don’t use the statement there’s two sides to every story while I understand the Practical sentiment of that statement it automatically sets the conversation up

for a division Vision that’s going to be hurtful on both sides