Your Way vs. God’s Way – Pt 1 | Joyce Meyer | Enjoying Everyday Life Teaching

Getting your own way sounds good, but is it really? On this episode of Enjoying Everyday Life, Joyce Meyer shares insights to help you give God total control of your life and relationships.

Joyce Meyer, one of the world’s leading practical Bible teachers and New York Times best-selling author, shares encouragement and advice to help us enjoy our daily lives.

With a heart to share Christ and love people, Joyce’s messages help people in all walks of life to grow in their faith, learn to study the Bible, find healing from the wounds of life, get answers to life’s questions and encounter the love of God in a powerful way.

I’m Joyce Meyer, and I believe that god can heal you everywhere you hurt.
I have a message for you that is gonna take a lot of stress out of your life.
It is gonna make your life so much better.
The title is called out of control and loving it.
Out of control and loving it.
And I’m not talking about you being out of control and doing whatever you wanna do.
I’m talking about stop trying to control other people and circumstances and even sometimes god and learn how to let go of that stress, and you’ll love it.
We’re gonna talk in a minute four different reasons why we try to control things, but there’s 2 ways we can look at this.
First of all, you don’t wanna let anybody control you. That’s not god’s will for your life.
It’s not good for them, and it’s not good for you.
And you don’t wanna be trying to control other people.
This is especially difficult sometimes for parents who have grown children.
It’s hard to be in a position of guiding someone pretty much telling them what to do and how to do it pretty much all their life.
And now all of a sudden, they don’t want you doing that anymore. They don’t appreciate your advice.
They don’t take your advice. They get mad when you give them advice.
And it’s hard sometimes to let go of that. But it’s a transition that everybody has to make.
And if you wanna get along with your growing children, then you have to come to a point where you realize that they have the same right that you do, and that is to make their own decisions.
Even if the decision they’re making is bad, it’s still theirs to make.
And sometimes the only way they can learn what to do and what not to do How many of you know, we don’t always learn by somebody else telling us what to do and what not to do?
It’s not that your advice may not be good, But a lot of times people just have to learn by going through things.
But I wanna start by telling you a story.
Dave and I went to a church a long time ago.
Um, and I don’t know if you know it or not, but, you know, churches sometimes can have clicks in them just like out in the world.
You know, there’s like a certain group that if you wanna be in the list of who’s who in the church, than you need to be in with that group?
Well, I didn’t know back then what I know now, and I was pretty insecure still from the things I’d gone through in my childhood, and I was looking for significance and looking for worth.
And so when we when we’re doing that, a lot of times we think that our value increases if we can be friends with somebody who is the right person to be friends with.
So I wanted to get in with this certain group of people in the church, and I’ll tell you, I worked at it really hard.
I manipulated. I gave compliments to the right people. I call the right people.
I did everything those right people wanted me to do, and I wanted Dave to be an elder in the church.
I don’t know if he wanted to or not, but I wanted him to.
And a lot of the guys in this group were elders in the church.
And so I thought, you know, if they like us, then they will probably get asked to be an elder.
And I wanted him to be an elder because I was nosy and wanted to know everything that was going on and wanted to help run the church.
And so finally, I got in with this group of people.
But in order to, uh, if you get a relationship by letting people control you, then you’re always gonna have to do what you did to get it.
And eventually, you’re gonna get tired of it. Well, in 1976, god touched my life.
I was filled with the spirit, and he called me to start teaching a Bible study.
Well, you know, those people that I worked so hard to get that relationship with were the first ones to turn their back on me and want nothing to do with me anymore.
So I’m just gonna tell you, if you want right friends and good friends, then you’re really kinda better off not to pick them out yourself, but to ask god for divine connections.
And who god puts you together with may not be the person that you would have chosen, but you’re much better off to have a right relationship that’s healthy than to have one that you chose and manipulated and maneuver around to get for yourself and then end up getting hurt.
Can somebody say, Amen? Amen. Alright.
So First reason that we’ll talk about well, first of all, let me just ask, do we have any people here that like to be in control?
I guess I should find out first if I’ve got any people here that need my message tonight or or if I should just you know, forget it.
But, um, the first reason we can talk about about why we like to be in control is just simply we’re afraid that if we don’t control the situation, that we won’t get what we want.
And basically, we all pretty much want what we want.
And we work pretty hard to get it.
And, um, Jesus said it’s recorded in Mark Eight, if anybody wants to be my disciple, let him forget himself and let him come after me.
The amplified makes it really good.
It says, forget himself, lose sight of himself, and all of his own interests, and take up his cross and follow me.
So selfishness as far as biblical teachings are concerned is a big no no.
Were supposed to learn how to care really more for others and their happiness than we do for our own.
Now I don’t know about any of you.
I don’t know how long you’ve been walking with god or how spiritual you are, but I’m still working on that.
Is anybody else here still working on, you know, not just Let let me let me tell you something.
If you cannot get what you want and still be happy and have a good attitude, you’re pretty far up to scale on spiritual maturity.
How many of you cannot get what you want and still stay happy?
About 20% of the crowd. Thank you for being honest.
I’m better, but I still got a ways to go.
The desire to control is rooted in selfishness.
Just a couple of scriptures on selfishness just to kinda get us grounded.
1st Corinthians 13, 45. Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy our boast.
It is not arrogant. Our rude It does not insist on its own way say that with me.
Love does not insist on its own way.
It is not irritable, and it is not resentful.
You know, sometimes when we fight and argue with somebody to get our way, and we win.
We really haven’t won. We’ve lost.
Dave and I needed a picture at one point for some wall in our house and we were at the mall shopping and there was a store there that sold pictures and Dave and I don’t have the same taste in decorating, not even, like, remotely close.
Dave wants everything in the room to stand out. And I want everything to match and blend.
And so he saw this picture that he really liked.
Didn’t matter that I thought it was gonna look crazy on the wall because it didn’t have anything to do with anything else going on in the room.
And I there was another picture that I liked that he didn’t like And so, you know, you know where it goes from here.
Right? And so Dave’s a real peace loving guy, and he’s not real big on fighting and arguing.
And he, uh, he finally just said, I I don’t care. Do what you want.
So I’m walking down the mall, and I could just feel my this little satisfaction in my flesh.
So when you ever just feel that, it’s like, Yeah. I got my way.
But, you know, I heard the Holy Spirit say you think you won, but you actually lost.
Because the way that I went about it was not a godly way.
You see, god wants us to delight ourselves in him and let him give us the desires of our heart.
He doesn’t want us manipulating and trying to control such situations because if you get what you want that way, then really you didn’t win, you lost.
You may have gotten the thing you wanted, but you displeased god about the way that you got it.
Philippians 23 says do nothing from selfish ambition, our conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourself.
Now that doesn’t mean that you’re not important.
We’re all important, but not one of us in this room is any more important than the rest of the people in the room.
Amen? We’re gonna talk about pride in a few minutes.
I don’t know, if you wanna talk about pride, what we’re gonna talk about pride for just a little bit.
Let me ask you a question.
Is Is there any somebody that you love that you’re trying to make them love Jesus like you do, but they’re not interested?
When we have a relationship with god and we know what people are missing and we love people, We so much want them to love God.
And we try all of our different things. We drag them to meetings.
We leave books open at just the right place.
We turn Joel on real loud, hoping that they’ll walk through the room and hear just the right thing.
And, I’m just gonna tell you a secret, save yourself a lot of stress.
You cannot make somebody love God. Can’t do it.
Now god may use you in their life, but they’re probably not gonna be won by conversation.
If anything, they might be won by your godly behavior year and godly example in front of them.
Now one of the reasons why I’m doing this teaching is because I had a little problem earlier in the year.
Well, not a little problem. I had a pretty big problem.
With I got sick, didn’t know what was wrong, didn’t know what was wrong, and had every kind of test you could have, and they said I’m just so healthy, it’s ridiculous.
And I’m like, well, then why am I falling apart?
And basically came down to chronic stress, just working too hard too long, but a lot of my work was not I mean, I work externally.
I do conferences. I write books.
I do television, but for me, it came down to a lot of it was internal.
A lot of it was things like this, like trying to control situations, that I couldn’t control or like, you know, say, like, one of my kids is late all the time.
He’s just not good at being where he’s supposed to be on time.
Well, you know, I don’t like that.
And so I try to talk him into changing or I try to guilt him into changing.
And he doesn’t like that. And so then that causes a problem.
And, you know, you finally just have to get to the point where you’re like, you know what?
God, it is not my problem. Come on. Is anybody out there?
There’s only so much that you can do and god gives everybody a free will.
God never tries to control us or force us or manipulate us or guilt us into anything.
The devil does. He’s a manipulator and a controller.
So when we try to do that to people, were actually operating in more of an evil nature rather than a godly nature.
God shows us what to do. He leads us. He guides us.
He tells us the consequences of doing what he says and the consequences of not doing what he says, but he never tries to make us do it.
He leaves it up to us. We have free choice We have free will.
And if you ever wanna have any friends that last for very long, you have to give them that same freedom where you’re not trying to control them and make them do what you want them to do.
Same thing in marriages, same thing with your kids.
I have 4 grown kids, and I have a really good relationship with all 4 of them.
But I’ll tell you what, I’ve had to learn to mind my own business.
And you have to learn your kids are different. Now, you know, I’ve got one daughter.
I can give her advice all day long. She don’t care. It’s fine. She’ll do it if she wants to.
She don’t. She don’t. But she doesn’t she never reminds me giving her the advice.
It doesn’t bother her that I give it to her.
And then I have other children that It’s like, don’t try to tell me what to do.
So you have to kinda you have to know people and you have to learn how you can function you know, I mean, I’ll admit it.
I love to give advice. You know, I’m I’m a teacher.
I mean, I’d like to tell everybody what to do. And I would be pretty sure that I’d be right.
But here again, if you wanna have any friends, or if you want your marriage to last, come on now, you gotta learn that you’re not gonna get your way all the time and you can’t control everything that’s going on.
I’m gonna really help somebody tonight. Somebody here tonight is gonna get a lot.
I’m telling you it is hard work trying to run the world.
I mean, it just, like, keeps you internally busy all the time constantly.
This thing about trying to make people love god.
I mean, it was made clear in Joshua 2415.
If it is evil in your eyes to serve the lord, choose this day whom you will serve, rather the gods of your fathers served in the region beyond the river, are the gods of the amorites and whose land you dwell.
But as for me and my house, we will serve the lord.
So he made his decision, and he said, now, you, make your decision.
God has given us so much free choice that honestly, he will even protect somebody’s right to go to hell if that’s what they’re determined to do.
God will not try to force us into doing what’s right.
1st Corinthians 10 24 says let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.
I’m glad that god keeps working with us until the day he comes back to get us, because I tell you when I read scriptures like that, I think Joyce after 42 years in the word, you still need a lot of help.
How many of you agree this selfishness thing is pretty pretty challenging.
I mean, we just we want what we want.
The second reason why we try to control situations in people is pride.
Just plain old pride, which is also self. It’s I, me, what I want.
We don’t like the decisions that people are making, and we’re pretty sure that if they would just do what we think they should do, that their life would be so much better because after all, we know more than anybody else does.
None of you are like that, I’m sure.
The desire to control is rooted in pride.
Romans 123 for by the grace given under me, I warn everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to.
Now it doesn’t say you should have a poor opinion of yourself But it says, don’t think of yourself more highly than you ought to, or another way to say it is, don’t think you’re better than other people.
Don’t think you’re smarter than other people.
I can tell you there are some things that you can do that other people can’t do.
But here’s the part we miss. There’s also things they can do that you can’t do. Okay.
I’ll say that again because somebody missed it.
You know, there are, like, for example, you know, the reason why so many marriages get in trouble is people get married and then they try to change the other person to be just like they are.
And the whole thing is is you’re usually drawn to somebody that has what you don’t have.
And god’s idea is that by the 2 becoming 1, then they become a whole person because Dave has gifts.
I have gifts, but I spent the first, I don’t know how many years of our marriage trying to make him do what I wanted him to do.
And I can tell you it just doesn’t work. People resent you. Come on.
People resent you when you try to control them.
And even if you manage to do it, it’ll never be a healthy relationship.
And so I would say that our marriage probably really began when we shook hands one day and said to each other, I accept you just the way you are, and I will not try to change you.
And that doesn’t mean that you never you know, if if I was behaving badly, Dave would correct me.
It doesn’t mean you never give each other any advice, but there’s a difference in that and trying to make somebody be the way you want them to be.
I’ll tell you a secret. God wants us to love people as they are, not the way we want them to be.
Amen?
And, boy, that sure comes into play when we think about our kids.
The Bible says train up a child in the way they should go according to their own individual gift are bent or personality.
There’s nowhere in the Bible that it ever says that a parent is to try to make a child do what they want them to do.
God gives us children, but they’re really his, and he wants us to find out what their gifts are help them decide what god wants them to do and not try to live our unfulfilled dreams through them.
And so many parents do that.
How many kids are just they’re miserable because they’re doing something for mom or dad because that’s what mom and dad want, and it’s not even what they want or what they like.
So you’re gonna enjoy your life a lot more.
If you give people the freedom to make their own decision.
Now, obviously, I’m not talking about a three or four year old child.
You can’t just say, well, honey, I just wanna set you free and you just do whatever you want to, but I’m talking about the cycle of life where gradually by the time your kids are to be teenagers, you gotta give them a little more freedom and a little more freedom and a little more freedom.
And I can tell you, by the time they’re around 18 to 21, you better be ready to let go.
Because something happens in every person at that point, and they want independence.
They even want the right to make their own mistakes.
How many of you have a hard time letting your kids make their own mistakes?
It’s challenging not to get involved in it, isn’t it?
I know exactly what you mean, and it never stops no matter how old they get.
We don’t like decisions that people make, and we are absolutely certain that we would do a better job than they would.
By the grace of god, I warn everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think.
Here again, god does not want you to have a bad opinion of yourself.
Don’t think low bad condemning thoughts about yourself, but it’s kinda good to say to yourself a couple of times a day.
I’m no better than anybody else.
And there’s things I’m good at, but there’s things they’re good at that I’m not good at.
So there’s things I’m good at that maybe Dave’s not as good at, but there’s a lot of things that he’s really good at that I’m not good at.
And usually when we’re having problems and relationships, pride is always at the base.
Matter of fact, you can’t have an argument if if pride is not involved.
Want me to tell you what my nine words are that probably saved my marriage?
I think I’m right, but I could be wrong.
Did you know that no matter what you are facing, god can help you.
One of our Joyce Meyer Ministry partners emailed us saying this, god greatly impacted my life through Joyce Meyer Ministries.
Thanks to her teachings. I’ve been clean and sober for 23 years 8 months.
I went from food stamps and living in government house seem to earning my master’s degree and selling real estate.
And this year, god answered one of the biggest prayers giving me the opportunity to attend the Love Life Women’s conference with my daughter-in-law.
Thank you for helping me turn my life around. You know what?
I I don’t know what you desperately want to change in your life.
It’s so easy to get in a place where We know we need change, but we just don’t know how to do it.
But god does know, and he knows exactly what you need.
And he has a plan for everything that you need in your life.
Our prayer for you today is that he helps and your point of need just like he did for Miranda who shared this story.
So don’t give up. We love sharing the truth of god’s word and Joyce’s bible teaching every single day because we know what a difference it makes.
And if you’ve experienced that in your own life and you want to share it like we all do, You can tell the world by partnering with Joyce Meyer Ministries.
You can go to joycemeyer.org/partnership, become a partner and help people like Miranda and so many others around the world who just need to know that there is a god who loves them and is there for them.
And there is no better feeling of success than sharing Christ and helping people, and you can do it every day as a partner.
All you have to do to be a partner is to give on an ongoing basis, to pray for us and to be a part of Joyce Meyer Ministries, and then everywhere we go around the world, you are there too.
Reach out today and join us. We love you so much. We pray you have a great day.
We’ll see you next time.
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The mind actually is the battlefield.
That’s where we win or lose the war with Satan. He said all gets to say. He uses it.
He uses a lot of it.
Today’s mind. You start asking god to heal you, and he will restore.
It’s the god of all comfort, and I am so grateful that I know how to call on god.