Surviving an Unwanted Divorce” Livestream With Lysa TerKeurst, Dr. Joel Muddamalle, and Jim Cress

When Your World Breaks: Finding Strength After an Unwanted Divorce

Thank you for joining us for this heartfelt livestream. I’m here with therapist and licensed counselor Jim Cress and theologian Dr. Joel Muddamalle, my partners in writing Surviving an Unwanted Divorce. This project wasn’t born from passion for divorce—divorce is devastating, especially when you didn’t choose it. It came from a deep desire to help those who, like me, suddenly find themselves walking into a future they never expected and never wanted.

When I went through my own unwanted divorce, these two men became anchors for me—guiding me through healing, offering spiritual clarity, and helping me understand what Scripture truly says (and does not say) about divorce. So today, we’re answering some honest and very difficult questions many of you have submitted.

This is a deeply human question. When you’re finally past the crisis stage—when the shouting, confusion, and heartbreak begin to fade—your mind often starts playing tricks on you. You begin minimizing the betrayal and romanticizing the few moments of love you received. I did this too. The longer I lived alone, the more my heart longed for the familiar—even if the familiar had hurt me.

Sometimes our longing is not for the person, but for the comfort they represented. That’s why we “paint pictures of Egypt” in our minds—just like Israel did—remembering pots of food that probably never existed while forgetting the abuse that did.

I once walked a friend through an exercise when she cried over towels her husband used to fold. As the towels disappeared, she felt him disappearing too. But I gently reminded her of the truth: even when he folded those towels, he was involved in an affair. Those towels were not symbols of devotion—they were symbols of a reality she needed to face.

And then I told her something freeing:
“When the last towel is gone, it’s not an ending. It’s a beginning. You now decide how your towels will be folded. You get to define how you will move forward.”

This “in-between” season can feel like torture. You’re not married anymore, but you’re not legally free either. I lived in this space for years—five of the last ten years of my marriage were spent in separation. The loneliness was heavy. My home used to be full of noise, kids, and movement. Suddenly, there was silence. A silence so deep it almost echoed.

When I told Jim how unbearable the quiet felt, he gave me advice I hated:
“Learn to go home and sit in the quiet.”

But then he added something that changed my healing:
“A sign of emotional health is the ability to be alone with your own thoughts—and be okay.”

Dr. Joel added another powerful perspective: in Scripture, the word “through” matters. Israel had to go through the Red Sea. Jesus had to go through Samaria. He had to go through the cross. Sometimes there is no shortcut. Sometimes you must walk through your pain inch by inch. But God’s timing is never late. His presence does not abandon you in the pause.

So if your life feels stalled, start here:
Honor the feeling. Write it down. Sit with it. Don’t rush out of the messy middle. God often does His deepest work there.