How to Be an Awesome Aunt When You Don’t Have Kids

Taking on your role as an aunt—whether as a biological niece or nephew or the child of a close friend—is one way to get involved in a child’s life. Of course, if and when you have children of your own, you can still reprise your role of the Great Aunt. Your kids will likely have close cousins ​​or “Little Aunts,” depending on their age, to grow up with.

That said, taking on the role of an aunt isn’t always easy, especially for women who are unable to conceive. The many emotions and struggles of infertility can get in the way.Here’s how to get over those feelings and step into your great Auntie’s shoes.

Let go of jealousy

Letting go of jealousy must come first. Dealing with jealousy and frustration can be the number one obstacle someone going through infertility must overcome. Who doesn’t feel jealous when friends and family members are fertile — especially when it seems like everyone around you is pregnant or nursing a newborn?

If you feel a weight on your chest when your sister, sister-in-law, or friend calls and says she’s looking forward to it again, you’re not alone. It’s normal.

Don’t let it get in the way of your relationship with your sister, loved one, friend, or their new baby. Take a few deep breaths, and then let the pain pass. If you don’t, you won’t be able to fulfill your role as an auntie.

Being an aunt not only comes with some rewards but it can also be very healing. In fact, a 2018 national study found that 89% of women say being an aunt is much better than they ever imagined.

And, of the aunts surveyed, 91% felt their role as aunts was important to the development of their nieces and nephews.While nothing can replace your desire to have a child of your own, you can still find purpose and purpose in being the best aunt you can be to the children in your life as long as you can. that you don’t let envy. your way.

Participate

As early as possible, even during pregnancy, let your sister, friend or loved one know how you hope to be able to participate in the life of your new niece or nephew. How you participate, and for how long, will depend on your comfort level as well as the comfort level of your sister or friends.

Your sister may enjoy having someone hold her hand during uncomfortable prenatal visits, but if you find the experience emotionally painful, don’t feel obligated to be there. It’s also possible that your sister feels the pregnancy is very personal and doesn’t want you to participate. You should also respect that wish.

Instead, focus on what you can do and how you can help once the baby is born. New mothers often hear from friends and family that they want to help, but once the baby arrives, no one calls. The new mother then struggled alone in the fourth trimester because she felt bad or awkward asking for help. You can help take that burden off her.

Bring them dinner. Offer to take care of the baby while mom takes a nap. Wash clothes. Housecleaning. Ask for pictures of the baby to show off to your friends.

Be clear that you are taking your auntie role seriously. You don’t want your sister or friends to feel like they’re a burden when asking for your help or accepting it. Let them know that time with their child is a blessing. If they know about your fertility challenges, go ahead and share with them how this has worked for you.

And, if it’s too much, take a break. Offer to help to the extent that you are comfortable with. You don’t have to be there all the time, but help when you can and be honest about how you feel. People won’t know how this is affecting you unless you tell them.

Remember special events

When you are a great Aunt, you can go to toy stores and buy birthday and holiday gifts for your niece or nephew. However, unlike mom and dad, it’s easier to go out and buy presents. You’ll likely have more time to browse the different stores and really put a little bit of heart into the gifts you buy.

You may also be willing to buy messy or noisy toys that your child loves, but parents may be hesitant to give them away. If your parents object to these toys, you can volunteer to keep them at your place for when your niece or nephew comes to play.

If your niece or nephew has a sports game or holiday concert at school, they might like you to be their spectator. If they are involved in scouting, you can volunteer to join their army and help with camping and activities. Look for ways in which you can stay involved — with your sister’s or friend’s permission, of course.

Spend time together

Birthdays, holidays, and football matches are all great times to spend with your niece or nephew, but don’t forget to spend time together “just because”. When visiting them, make time to play with them and read books together. Play a favorite board game, have a tea party, play cards, build with Legos or do something with Play-Doh. It’s important that you make time for each other.

You can also take them out for ice cream on a Sunday afternoon while their parents have some alone time at home. Or, take them to the zoo, to the movies, or to a paint shop of your own while their parents have a lunch date. You can even build your own traditions.

If you live far from your niece or nephew, don’t let the distance get in the way. You can call them or even Skype or FaceTime together. Children also love to receive mail. So send them words of encouragement, cards and letters when you can. While time with people is the best, if you can’t be there physically, at least try to be there mentally.

Be there for them

Children need someone they can talk to about their problems, but sharing with their parents can make them feel awkward. Children may feel that parents won’t listen without judging them or trying to intervene, when all they want is a sympathetic ear.

Hopefully whatever they choose to confide in you will be normal childhood problems. In the event that they have a serious secret to share — the kind that must be shared with parents or the authorities — you’ll be there to hear and help them through a difficult time.

Share your life

Children benefit from having different people in their lives who have different experiences. So realize that you have something important to share with your niece or nephew, especially as they get older. Share parts of your life with them so they get an insight into who you are.

For example, you could talk about your profession, your life in the city, your latest vacation, or even how you chose your family pet. This inside look at someone else’s life that may be very different from their life at home can broaden their view of the world and let them know that there are many options available to them.

A very good word

Whether you’re struggling with infertility or childlessness by choice or circumstance, childlessness can sometimes be challenging, especially if it’s not what you imagine your life to be. . However, if you have friends or family members with children, you may soon realize there are many benefits to being an active and engaged aunt.

Talk to your friends or family members about wanting to be more involved, and then do so with their permission. You might be surprised how fulfilling being an aunt can be if you put effort into this relationship.