When the Person Who Hurt You Wasn’t Held Accountable | With Lysa TerKeurst

What an honor it is to be here today! I follow you on Instagram, and I’m completely inspired by your fashion choices. Not only do I love your style, but I also admire how happy you are. You have this unique way of entering the scene, doing a little dance, and showing off your creativity. Your accessorizing is on point, and I just adore everything about it. I’m truly thrilled to be here with you today. Thank you so much for having me—I was genuinely floored when you invited me. It’s such an honor, and I’m so happy to be here.

Today, we’re discussing a big topic—trust issues. It’s funny because when some people hear “trust issues,” they immediately think, “Oh, I don’t have that.” If you’ve gone through life without being disappointed, betrayed, or let down by someone you love, that’s incredible! But for most of us, trust issues are a real struggle, and it’s completely understandable. I did some research, and I want to get your best guess on something.

How many times a day do you think the average American tells a lie? Take a guess! There’s no right or wrong answer, but the statistics might surprise you. Okay, let’s say, how many lies do you think the average American tells in a week? Maybe 10? Well, according to research, the average American lies four times a day. Here’s an interesting detail I found: on average, men lie about six times a day, while women lie three times a day, which gives us the average of four lies per day.

Now, don’t send me angry letters—I’m just sharing what I found! Some of these lies are “courtesy lies,” meant to spare someone’s feelings. For example, if someone asks, “Do I look okay?” and you say, “Yes,” even though you’re really thinking, “I wouldn’t wear that hat or those socks,” you’re just being kind. The advice here is to focus on the positive. Instead of lying about the whole outfit, say something like, “I really love that necklace!” or “Those jeans look great on you!”

Here’s another one: “I’m so sorry I’m running late, traffic was terrible!” But in reality, traffic was normal, and you just left the house late. These aren’t huge, blatant lies, but they add up. It’s no wonder we sometimes feel uncertain about whether people are being honest with us, which can lead to skepticism and trust issues.

When you combine that with experiences of rejection, hurt, or betrayal—like a friendship breakup, infidelity, or promises that weren’t kept—it’s easy to see why many of us develop trust issues. Trust is the oxygen of human relationships, and without it, it’s hard to connect with others. Trusting others can be risky, but we take that risk because we want relationships. And sometimes, that trust is broken, leaving us disappointed when someone doesn’t follow through.

Now, let’s see if you can relate to this little test: When you go through a drive-thru, do you check your fast food order or make sure your coffee is correct before driving off? I know I always check my bag at Chick-fil-A to make sure they included the sauce—there’s nothing worse than getting home and realizing the Chick-fil-A sauce is missing! But I feel the tension when I’m checking the bag. I don’t want the person at the window to think poorly of me for double-checking, especially with a line of cars behind me. But that feeling of uncertainty? It’s real!

This all ties back to the bigger picture of trust issues, and it’s something we all experience in various forms.