Finding Your Fire

Are you an inferno? Spark? or Flame? For this month’s Hey You, our theme is “Revolutionary Fire”. Join Pastor Sarah and friends as they guide us through a night of finding and igniting our fire.

Dear Lord,
Today…….I am asking all my prayer warriors to say a prayer that may help others. So many people are hurting right now. Many are struggling with finances and need jobs. Some are facing foreclosure and don’t even know how they are going to make it from week to week.. Many are lonely. . Many are heartbroken. . Many are facing sickness and health is fading. . Some are dealing with difficult family members. Many have lost HOPE.. Tonight, let us put our prayers and faith together decree and declare breakthrough over our families. Financial miracles WILL take place. Jobs WILL be found. Our Bodies WILL be made whole & sickness WILL flee. Marriages and relationships WILL be restored. Family members WILL find Jesus. Heartbreaks WILL be healed. JOY WILL be restored and HOPE WILL be found. In Jesus Name. Amen!!!!!! Keep God First…….

OK, girl.
So listen, it is that time of the month where we come together to talk about what’s happening in our lives.
We talk about the theme of course, which is revolutionary fire for this month.
But I thought that it would be appropriate for us to do something different in all transparency.
I have been on sabbatical. I’ve been at home reflecting, I have felt myself trying to remember who I am, who I am not.
I’ve been trying to remember like what gives me fire, what gives me fuel, what gives me purpose?
And I was thinking about this thing revolutionary fire.
And I think what it ultimately is is revolutionary determination at the end of the day, fire is that determination for us to break a generational curse.
It’s the determination for us to finish school, for us to raise the Children, for us to pursue that career path.
But it takes fire to get it done.
I have invited some women who are harnessing their own fire who are walking out purpose and just like me and just like you, sometimes we have days where that fire is an inferno and sometimes the flame don’t be flaming.
So no matter where you are on your journey.
First of all, I wanna let you know that you’re not alone that we are here today so that you feel seen so that we can articulate the words you’ve been trying to say so that you understand that you are not the only one out here on a journey trying to figure things out.
So I want you to take a minute and get to know some of my girls, but I want you to get to know them outside of just like their name and what they do and all of those things I wanna know are we like infernal level, fire or flame fire?
And why? So let me start with Kendall and then we’ll just come all the way around.
First of all, tell them your name. I already told them to do it anyway.
Uh where are you from? And like what is your flame level right now?
Is it giving inferno or are we giving a match in a wind in a hurricane? What’s happening? Ok.
So my name is Kendall. I’m originally from the Bay Area, California, from a small little town called Petaluma.
My family and I moved out to L A about a year and a half ago and I would say right now my flame is pretty inferno level.
Yeah. Come on and teach it well, honestly, to be truthful, I have only been in the Lord for about like a year now.
So I feel like when you’re first convicted that flame is really lit.
But ever since then, like, I have a daughter, she’s a year and a half old.
I’m definitely here to break the generational curses. I’m here to do better than the rest of my family.
No offense to them. But I’m here to break the mold.
And so I just have, I have that fire inside of me to really push really do better for myself and my family.
Ok. All right.
Well, everyone, I am Amala Hassan, I am originally from Atlanta, Georgia um by way of Nigeria though.
Um And so for me right now, I think I’m definitely at a place where it’s a rising inferno.
So it was a wicker and then it starts to slowly grow and I’m at this place where I’m trying to fuel the fire so I can get to the full blaze that I know God has called me to be at.
And so there’s a lot of work that comes with that.
Um And so I’m at a space where I’m trying to make sure that I don’t get overwhelmed and get consumed by the fire on um on a negative aspect, you know, so trying to make sure that I’m um flaming the fire um and allowing God to really do it as opposed to me doing it for myself and making it happen.
That was good. Very good.
My name is Patrice Campbell and I’m from San Jose California, not far from Petaluma.
And I have to say, honestly, Pastor Sarah, I am an infernal right now.
And I just, if I can say this without crying, I just thank God that um I’ve had an open heart and open ears to hear him during this pandemic.
And the main thing that God told me was that he wanted me to remain open to ministry even though things were shutting down, stay close to ministry opportunities.
And so from that, he gave me the ministry opportunity to start mentoring people in regards to health and nutrition and exercising because we’re not getting out of our homes.
We are, we’re shut down, we’re locked down and not exercising as much and not even going to our jobs.
And so it gave me an opportunity to reach out and to minister to people in that way.
And then he called me to be a caregiver to full time caregiver for my dad.
And during that process, my dad rededicated his life back to the Lord before he passed away.
And in that moment, God said that’s why you were here.
You were here to do ministry to model that for your father so that he could rededicate his life back to the Lord.
And then lastly, it’s just been mentoring and mining to my siblings.
And that’s not easy, that’s not easy to do.
But there have been two that have rededicated their lives back to the Lord in this process.
And you know, when we get challenged, we have to just know that the enemy is gonna come in and he’s gonna try to discourage us.
But we have to continue to keep that fire lit and to be that example for our family members, even though it’s difficult, you know, because they are the people that are closest to us, they love us, but sometimes they just fall short and we just have to give them that grace and that mercy and continue to, to love on them and minister to them.
So I’m an inferno and I thank you for this opportunity. Thank you.
So that’s always a loaded question for me. Where are you from? Because I’m a military child.
So, but I was born in El Centro near me, which is um on a Mexico border town.
I grew up in San Diego and I’ve been here um pretty much for over 20 years just celebrating my 39th birthday.
And I’ve been here since, hey, and I’ve been here since um yeah, since I was 17 and immediately when I was hearing everyone speak, I was like, I’m at an inferno.
You know, I’m sitting on the stage with pastor Sarah. I serve Saturday. I haven’t missed work this week.
Granted, you know, it’s midweek, but still that’s a good thing.
Um And I’m an inferno for my family just making sure that they’re taken care of and they have everything I need.
But when I dig a little deeper into that inferno, I realize that I’m pretty much like a campfire for myself.
And so, you know, to everyone, they’re like, oh my God, you know, your fire is lit. You’re serving.
I’m there for my father who lost his vision in combat.
I’m there for my brother who has his difficulties trying to manage a family.
Um And then I’m there for my mother who’s trying to be there for others.
But you know, reality we um grew up in difficult times, our parents wanna be things that they just can’t be to us because of their trauma.
And so I’m definitely in an inferno on that aspect and I do shake just to give everybody a warning because um I also have an autoimmune deficiency disease.
So even through all that, you know, being an inferno, but when I really just sit here and um God’s convicting me, the Holy Spirit is evicting me.
I’m a campfire for myself because I’ve given all of those flames like even the blue flames to others.
So that’s so good. I’m so glad you said that because I think many of us have fire.
But usually we use it for other people to become warm.
And I think like you when everyone was speaking because I came in here, I was like, you know, I, I have a fire, I have an inferno somewhere.
I also have like a flicker somewhere and, you know, maybe it’s not like either or, but I’ve been called to this stage of my life of growth and transition.
And as you all were speaking, I felt like God was already beginning to reveal to me that what was an inferno for where I am feels like a flicker for where I’m headed.
And that’s why I feel the tension of inadequacy.
And maybe if you’re like me and you’re feeling that same way, maybe the encouragement that we’re receiving in this moment is God’s ability to take what was an inferno in one season, maybe a flicker in this season.
But douse that flame again and I feel like that that’s the level of desperation required for us to take our campfires or our flicker and get them to that inferno stage is to allow for that desperation to emerge.
So, um yeah, I’m like of flick an inferno turn flicker on my way to inferno again.
Alrighty, everybody. So my name is Erica Dansby and I’m originally from Los Angeles.
Um I spent some time in the Bay area as well in Oakland.
I went to college out there um here in L A.
Um Right now in my life, if I’m honest, I am at a roaring blaze, right?
So it’s not quite an inferno, but it’s definitely much stronger than a flicker.
Um At this point, I have no idea how I got here, how I got to this stage, how I started serving in ministry at one church, how I became where I’m at right now in general.
All I know is that I keep showing up, right.
I just keep shutting down the soundtrack that says that this isn’t my lane.
I’m not supposed to be here in general.
So when I shut that down, my fire builds every time I shut that down.
So it’s on its way to an inferno. It’s on its way there.
And as I’m going through this process, I keep showing up and God told me verbatim to go imperfectly.
So that’s what I’m doing. So I’m showing up and the process is amazing to see that.
I’m actually here talking on this stage and hopefully my testimony and star will give uh life to somebody else.
So my uh Roy blade is on the way to inferno for sure. Love to hear it. Amen.
Everybody’s at Furno Inferno blaze. No.
Remember I think I’m at in, I’m not, I’m just at Infer.
I feel like that’s where I am.
I feel like um a couple of years ago I had an ordained fall and it was hard and it’s really hard when you fall and God’s trying to teach you something and you have to keep getting back up again.
But then it kind of builds something in you where you’ll be like, you know what?
I didn’t know this was me.
Like I didn’t know me was me uh, and so that’s kind of where I am and that’s kind of what I see in myself.
It’s like this place where I see my, my flame, I’m thinking about like, um, it’s actually what you kind of said, Pastor Sarah about the like, uh Paul and how when Paul becomes Paul, he fell off, he fell.
But it was actually a brighter light and that like sometimes when God is taking us to a brighter light, it could be blinding at first, you know, we think it’s Satan, but really it’s a new version of seeing yourself.
So I think that’s kind of where I am that infer uh Not to no, I ain’t got that there but I’m in at the infer part where it’s like really um as Nessa even said, taking the light in for myself and really um feeling my own warmth and enjoying me even greater than what I thought I could.
Um And then being able to try to make sure I share from full overflow and not share from, oh, they need me.
So I gotta do it. Oh Somebody needs this.
So I gotta be there but really making sure that I honor whoever I’m sharing with with all of me.
Oh Wait, wait a minute, wait, you have to say that again.
You want to make sure you honor whoever you’re sharing with with all of you, all of me, not just the pieces, not just the crumbs, all of me.
That’s a word. Right, y’all, that’s really good.
I resonate with so much of what everybody said.
Um, I think I resonate most kind of with, uh Nessa and talking about that campfire internally.
I think that there are areas in me that are an inferno. You know, I’m a new mommy too.
I can know. And um, I’m a blaze for that little girl, you know, I show up in ways I didn’t think I could.
I love in a mama bear kind of like ferocious way. I didn’t think I could.
Um, and that is definitely a blaze and then there are areas that are flickering.
So I don’t know how to even bring language to that because it’s like it feels kind of jarring at times to be so ablaze in areas and then in other areas you feel like you’re trying to, you know, put some sticks together and just try to, you know, light something.
Um, so I, I think I’m definitely in a phase or in a space now where I’m like, ok, I can definitely feel the heat, you know, starting up in me, um, especially in like areas of purpose and things that God’s convicted me about in my life and changes in purpose that I didn’t even know were there.
So I’m excited. I think in the past you might get a little bit discouraged about the flicker, but I am excited about where God has taken me.
I’m excited about the inferno. I just want to honor it the right way.
I don’t want to let it get so hot and so fast that I don’t know what to do with it.
And it takes me for a ride. You know.
So I think that um I’m just in a place of full surrender about what God wants me to do next.
You know, it’s so funny. I didn’t know who they selected when I was coming in.
And so when they told me Stevie that you were gonna be here, I have this habit like when Stevie, when I first found out she was expecting and then I got to meet the baby.
I was just like, that’s Noah’s mama and I was like in my head, I was like, Noah’s mama’s gonna be there.
And God told me she’s more than Noah’s mama. So don’t call her that.
And I know that it was maybe something that you need to hear for yourself because it is beautiful.
The inferno of love that happens when you become a mom.
It is all consuming, but it is not, it’s only all consuming for that version of who you are as a mother, but it is not the totality of your identity.
And I wonder if flicker to Inferno happens with us intentionally making space for ourselves again, like not just taking the crumbs of what we get at the end of the day, but really saying that’s what I’ve been learning, like, on sabbatical, I’ve had to say no to a lot of things, um, that weren’t even necessarily work, but it would become a work thing if I did it, like, by the time I get up and put my wig on and this makeup, like, and shoot just one video and take just one meeting, then I’m, you know, no longer on sabbatical.
And so I’ve had to be intentional about, like carving out space for myself.
And it’s been hard and it’s felt selfish and I’ve wondered if I’m letting people down, but I have been able to hold on to myself in a way that I’m not able to do in my normal rhythm.
So I don’t know, you eat the chicken, spit out the bones, but it’s all good to me.
OK. So I was reading Matthew 15.
Of course, those of you who get our weekly newsletter, you know that we are studying the Sera Phoenician woman, the woman from Canon and Matthew 15.
And I have to tell you, I have struggled with this passage of scripture because I see a version of Jesus that made me be like, oh Jesus, what’s happening?
Um If you haven’t read it highly suggest you check it out.
If not, we’re gonna give you the cliff notes version.
The Ebonics translation, don’t read it for yourself to get the full context.
But um it was so important to me as I was reading that I didn’t just read about Jesus’s interaction with this woman.
I wanted to understand the full context of what he brought into that moment.
And what I realized in reading the passage is that Jesus is coming off the heels of defending himself with the Pharisees, putting them in check, defending his purpose, protecting his fire because they were on a mission to extinguish his fire.
It was too hot, there were too many people being saved, healed and delivered.
And so they were trying intentionally to extinguish the flame of who he was.
And so when he has this encounter with this woman, he is defensive, he is focused in a very rigid way on why he is there.
And I think we have to become that way when we feel like our fire is under attack.
Like we’ll be cutting off friends who mean, well, like I don’t have time for that.
Like, you know, you people, you know, you can count on it like I can’t do it right now because I’m trying to protect this fire.
So before we talk about protecting fire though, I wanna take a minute and talk about the things that extinguish our fire and our relationship with the things that extinguish our flame.
Um I have to tell you so I was scrolling because listen, I’m a sabbatical, right? OK.
I have to preface this, right.
So P T tell me like you should take a break from social media and I’m like, well I’m not posting that much.
He’s like, no, you should stop scrolling. And I’m like, but I wanna see what’s happening. Like I’m not outside.
Social media is all the outside that I get and I felt convicted.
He was like, but you know, you come across that one, comment that one video and all of a sudden you don’t want to preach anymore.
You just wanna go and hide because it extinguishes your flame.
And so for me, I am in a space where I am having to learn how to protect the flame that God has given me.
And for me that comes down to not being so open to everyone’s thoughts and opinions and creating safeguards in my life to keep me from being exposed to them.
And you know, I guess I’m gonna have to get off social media at some point, you know, but um I, I know that there are attacks that only come through that platform that attempt to extinguish my flame.
So I want to know from you all like what attempts to extinguish your flame, whether it’s still working or no longer works.
Anyone want to dive in, I’ll go first.
Um Because as soon as you said that something just popped in my head, it doesn’t anymore, but it is something from the past.
And I think disappointments really can um attempt to, I guess deafen you just even the voice of God itself because it can seem like, ok, well, what do I, if this didn’t work, then it, then I don’t even why try if it conti, if you continuously are disappointed or there seems like some let downs or things of that nature, it can really seem to, uh, extinguish it because you’re, you’re gonna look at, you know, what, what happened in the past and you’re like, that didn’t work.
So, you know, it can really kind of just slow you down that used to.
Um Obviously, it was just me, unfortunately, having to unlearn and shift perspective to see that.
The disappointment, what I call the disappointment. God was like, oh, that’s an opportunity, you know.
And so it was just the shifting of it.
And once I shifted it, I started seeing places that were opportunities for him to not only not disappoint me but show me how much better he can do what didn’t work.
O OK, I’m almost as someone else in, but I just wanna say, it just reminds me, I’ve, I’ve been reading this text and I don’t know why.
I think God’s gonna continue to just reveal to me what’s the hidden mystery of this moment is?
But when I was looking at it from the woman’s perspective, I thought to myself to have a daughter who is severely demon possessed has to be at minimum disappointing.
The next layer of that is tormenting.
But she went from being disappointed to tormented to desperate for another way she went from watching what was happening to stopping what was happening.
And I feel like when we experience disappointment, the temptation is to just watch disappointment play out instead of rolling up our sleeves and saying I can go from watching to stopping.
And what we see is this woman take the fire of the torment, the fire, fire of the disappointment.
And instead of just waiting for it to fade away, she engages and redirects that fire into a better solution, a better option, a better healing and she releases that fire with Jesus in a way that takes his attention.
And I just think that with disappointment, um we can become Spectators in our destiny.
Disappointment makes us Spectators in our own lives.
And now we’re just watching to see who will disappoint us next.
We’re watching to see what things is gonna come across.
That disappoints us again, not realizing that disappointment didn’t take us out of the game.
We took ourselves out of the game and decided to watch disappointment play in our, our place.
But I feel like for somebody, revolutionary fire is saying, you know what disappointment, I’m ready to get back in the game.
You gotta get out and start watching me with this revolutionary fire that I have attacked whatever my opposition is.
And I feel like even now, even though I’ve been on sabbatical listening, how many times I’m gonna say it is a time I say it, I feel like God because I’m like God, am I ever gonna be able to preach again?
Because she is relaxed? Like I don’t know if she has it anymore.
And God was like, if you get in the right atmosphere, the anointing that’s on your life is gonna be pulled on because it’s just in you and sometimes in order for your fire to be unleashed, you need the right atmosphere.
All right y’all whatever, what is extinguishing your flame attempts to what pattern, what relationship dynamic?
What past memory? I was just going to say that I am just like in awe of you continuing to refer to the sabbatical.
Thank you. No one else is I love it because what it translates to me is self-care and that if we don’t have self-care ladies that will put our flame out because we were succumbed to sickness, you know, um being tired, uh losing interest in whatever ministries or call that God has on our lives.
So, self-care is really important and it’s important in regards to how we eat as well, you know, and exercise and drinking water, getting adequate rest and fasting is very important.
So to hear you say you’re on a sabbatical kudos to you because self care is really important because it will put out your flame.
If you’re not taking care of yourself, you can burn out and just give up altogether.
So, self-care, you know, that’s what I wanted to say.
What I was gonna say, and I always have these like book titles in my head.
I’m not writing a book. Oh, no, no, no, but I love you and bless you.
Thank you so much for speaking life into me.
Um The failing to have the strategy to differentiate between someone not speaking life into your dream or your goal versus someone who loves you and sees things you just haven’t seen because sometimes for me, my flame can be super hot, right?
And then I’ll speak to someone, I’ll say my mom or my dad and they’ll be like, oh, well, have you considered this?
Did you see that? Did you look at that and you know, it’s not really safe right now to do that.
I have a very safe state job.
So um just differentiating because that really puts out my flame because I want them to believe in me the way I believe in me because I love them so much.
But again, am I allowing that feedback to turn into like a negative thing that I’m um manifesting within myself and within my heart?
And there’s a whole journey to that, but just failing to be able to differentiate between feedback based out of care and experience versus someone who’s just speaking death into your goals and dreams.
That’s so good. That’s um I had to work on that in marriage because my husband is like um he calls it pulling out the tent strings and he is incredible.
He’s brilliant. He’s a critical thinker.
I’m kind of like a, oh, and he’s like, that’s beautiful.
Have you thought about these things?
And I think at first I felt like you, like, do you not, you don’t, you didn’t say anything about that part?
And what we’ve learned is that um I need him to affirm the idea before expanding the idea.
But I had to express that to him And sometimes relationship, communication can feel very infantile because you have to literally like break down what you need and feed it to the other person.
So it’s like mom, dad, friend, sister, cousin, spouse before you give me the areas where I can grow.
Can you please affirm me in this first?
Um Because I think that helps me to separate between like you’re just helping me versus you’re dousing the flame because it’s hard to tell and dreams require vulnerability in order to express a dream.
Like I’m putting like, I don’t know if this thought makes any. That’s ok.
That’s what for me, that’s what makes preaching so hard for me. And it’s very natural for other people.
But you have to think out loud and sometimes the thoughts don’t thought, you know what I mean?
I mean. And up until I’m speaking, I’ve only rehearsed this in my mind.
And so there is a vulnerability connected with thinking out loud and sharing it with other people.
But there is beauty in asking what, you know, if God has affirmed you, of course, we want and say like that should be enough.
But as I share it, God, if you could send confirmation and if those people are your confirmation, then I would give them space to affirm you and let them know that you need that.
So it changes the pattern of your relationship. You’re officially not on sabbatical, you’re back.
I am, I am. Well, also speaking on that in relationships, that’s kind of how me and my husband are like, I’m like, oh dreamer, like, look at that, you know, and he’s like, ok, you’re off in la la land, you need to come back to reality and sometimes it can kind of squash your dreams.
But that’s where the Lord steps in. He renews your mind, your heart and he makes you tough, right?
You have to really have um a tough character to be out in this world and have big dreams.
And I think um that’s another part of it is that God may be speaking to you about who you are.
But these people see a certain version, they see your reality of every day.
You making flaws and all this stuff. But you’re like, no, this is what God’s saying about me.
This is where I’m going, you know.
And so you kind of have to reveal it to them as you go along and sometimes you kind of have to keep things on the down low while you make your way up to the top.
OK, I’m the P T in the marriage.
We talked about this, we talked about this. I’m like, OK, so, but I love that.
You said that I love that.
She said that it needs to be affirmed first and then so yeah, I’m going to go home and implement that.
Um But I would say that the thing that can squash my flame is my internal dialogue sometimes to myself, which I’ve really been working on because, um, the same thing that I would do to my husband, I do to myself, I’m picking apart the thing before it even gets legs or, you know, it’s still in seed form and I’m already pulling it out the ground to see if it’s sprouting.
Um, but I do think that, um, yeah, I, I realized that when I, when I was being critical.
Yep, I knew that voice very well. That’s my me voice.
But when I would affirm myself, the voice almost sounded like it had, um, an accent or like a different dialect, I didn’t recognize it.
It sounded like somebody else that was talking to me, you know.
So I’m like, you know, you can do this, like, why not? You? And I’m like, who is that?
That don’t sound like me. I don’t even recognize that voice and I had to start exercising that muscle in me so that the more I would affirm myself, the more that I would give my dreams legs, I’m like, oh, that is the Holy Spirit or that is the Holy Spirit within me and it may sound a little bit foreign, but I just need to get to know her a little bit better um to fan that flame a little bit more.
So that’s definitely something I’m working on that internal dialogue and that fear that can start to really stomp out the flame.
That’s good. That’s good. My Yeah, I’m writing that down for myself in my head because I, I feel like I don’t have internal dialogue, but I receive every dialogue.
And so if someone says you’re good, I receive that.
If someone says you ain’t it, I I receive that.
And so I receive everything that is said or spoken, which is why I guess I should not be on social media because you get all of those things.
Um But I need to be better at using my voice to talk back to the voices that come my way in my relationships, to use my voice.
And I think that if I started with a healthy internal dialogue, that it would give me the strength to externalize that dialogue when I’m in relationship or opposition or advocating for the many things that I believe God’s called me to do so from internal to external.
This is blessing me. Yes. Um I was gonna ask how you protect your flame, but I feel like God is taking me in a different direction.
And I want to know from you all.
When was the first moment you realized that you had a flame that you had fire, that you had something worth staying in the earth for, worth imparting to someone else.
Um Even if it wasn’t on a grand stage, when is the first time that you realized that you had something to add value into the world.
Um When I was in elementary school, I was molested by my best friend’s brother.
And um I was, you know, I had expressed eventually, like two years later, what happened to me and no one embraced me like they kind of bullied me around school for it.
But because of God, I was able to get up every day and I was um able to go to school.
And so I was really empowered by that. And then I got molested when I was 12 by someone else.
And so I was like, ok, what’s up, you know, what’s going on?
Um But in reality that put me on a journey that I would have never been on without those experiences.
And that was accepting salvation because I was in such desperate need to get that comfort to get that confirmation that it wasn’t my fault, even though it happened twice to different people, two different, you know, environments.
Um And I didn’t need to be ashamed. I would like ride the bus to church.
I didn’t know what church was. My mom was agnostic.
My father was Java’s Witness and I was like, I’m going to Second Baptist Church on Logan Street.
Meet me there if you want to and um eventually getting baptized on my own and not really needing anyone to be there for that, you know, saying, hey, I’m getting baptized and my family was like, ok, you know, um but if I hadn’t been through those things, I wouldn’t wanna be able to communicate to um others like how to survive and then thrive after.
But then it wouldn’t have put me on that passionate goal to draw close to God.
And so I find peace in that because of the blessings and things he’s allowed me to do um in that flame.
But that was the first time where I was like, oh I got this man.
I was reading Matthew five that you know, blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled.
And maybe the goal is to not just survive but to not allow the disappointments, the molestations, the divorces, the heartbreaks to take away our hunger and thirst for righteousness because even though you had those experiences, it didn’t take away your hunger and thirst.
And God created space for you to be filled and because you were filled, you now have the opportunity to fill others.
So yes, I do think that you deserve a season of being just a fire for yourself and no longer everyone’s camp fire.
I just want you to know that it is in you to be a fire for yourself.
You’ve already got the track record of doing it.
And so just remember that that’s, she says she doesn’t know where she hid her tissues and you can have mine.
Um, you’ve done it once and you can do it again. Invite that little girl to the campfire.
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing Kane.
That was so beautiful. Um I think for me the first time I really realized that there’s really something here.
Um And that there’s a fire that is meant to be shown to the world was when I realized that I was fighting so hard to be seen.
But I felt like no one was listening and I was yelling, I was yelling.
I was a kid who I talked a lot.
So I’ve always talk, my mom would be like lola calm down like it’s ok and there’s always like so much going on.
I was like, I want to be heard like there’s something that needs to get out.
I don’t understand what it is, but there’s something that needs to come out.
And I think it’s when I realized that God heard me and God saw me.
So when I was younger, I encountered God when I was eight years old.
Um I was asking for something simple.
It was during the, um, the recession in O A and, um, I was asking God, like, hey, I, I had gotten money from a party.
We picked money up from the floor.
And so I had like a few dollars, I had a five and three ones and I asked Scott, um, I wish I could have enough money to just take my entire family out to go to Zaxby’s because I went to Zaxby’s the week before and I loved it.
I had fallen in love. So I was like, God, like it would be really nice if I had enough money to take my entire family to Zach and I was backing my mom’s van at the time.
And so I’m just thinking like it would be nice, but it’s not going to happen. I’ll have $8.
So as I’m back vacuuming or I finished vacuuming, I reached into my pocket randomly, my money was there.
I pulled it out. Next thing you know, there’s a 20 there’s a five, there’s a 10 and there’s a one.
And I was like, God, what just happened? Like this was a random thought that was in my head.
Like how did this happen? I went to my mom because I always, any time I go to a party, we show her what we come back with what our earnings were for the day.
And I was like, wait, how much money did I show you that I got from this party?
And she was like, it was $8. And I showed her like, God multiplied my money.
I just thought in my head randomly, like I wish I had enough money and there’s enough money for all of us to go to Zaxby’s now.
And when I saw that this was God showing me that the little things that the things that I say, the little things that run through my head, the little things that are insignificant to others.
He was like, it’s significant to me.
And so, um I, I realized that as I was getting older, my voice was constantly trying to be shut up and make people making fun of the way I talk.
I had a stutter back then and I was working so hard to get over this.
And I was like, why is this so hard?
Like why is it so hard for me to get words out?
Why is it so hard for me to express myself?
And so that resistance is what showed me that there is something there that needs to come out.
And when I’m at a place where I’m blank and I don’t know what to do what to say, seeing how the Holy Spirit will come in and fill that insufficiency.
He will fill that place of inadequacy that I have within myself and let me know that there is something here and there is power in it.
And so for me, it’s just that constant reminder that despite the, the fear of failure, despite the insufficiencies, despite that internal dialogue that tells you you’re not, you can’t, you shouldn’t like, don’t even try knowing that the same way God heard me when I felt unheard the same way God saw me when I felt unseen.
That’s, that’s the fire like he will be the one to, to, to bring that out.
And so that constant reminder has me push every time I feel like I need to stop.
Every time I feel as if it’s too big. There’s no way why, why even try. I remember that.
And I remember how God saw me at that simple request.
It wasn’t even an official prayer, it was just, it would be nice.
And he heard that he heard that and he honored it. So, yeah, ok, I guess I’m going C G.
Um I actually I can piggyback off a lot that you said because I think, you know, it’s cool how God meets us as Children.
He knows how to find, that’s why I love, you know, supporting kids because God will find you.
And I remember for me, there was a uh experience. I grew up with an aunt who had schizophrenia.
And so watching that was kind of difficult and different just to see her suffering and to see her going through this, unfortunately, she got cancer um from the medication and she passed away.
But before she passed away, I remember they were saying she only had, I think like three days or something.
It was like, very grim. And um, I remember I was at home and I was like, God, she can’t die yet.
They, my, my uncle got to see her. My mom has to see there’s things that we have to do.
We have to like, I’m literally pleading my case to God.
And I’m like, what I think I was like 11 or something, you know, but I remember just talking to him and him listening.
And what was so interesting is that she stayed alive for about four weeks after that.
And he told me I was like, can you hold her off because my uncle couldn’t get in until a certain day.
So I was like, can you hold her here until um like that I remember it was a Wednesday and it was so um it always gets me because it was so beautiful that she passed away at 11 like 40 something.
So he gave her the whole day. He didn’t just take her that day.
He said, I’ll give her the time too.
And for me, um I never forgot that moment because it’s something when God moves time for you when the enemy saying this is the time.
And everybody is saying this is time and then God’s like, but that’s not when the time is.
And I think that was what really opened my eyes to like, oh, you know, like ok, this is my homie like he bore me.
You know, because I used to play, I mean, I would pray about my dog.
I would pray about anything and I would always see the answer, but it was something about that answer that helped me to see.
Um, not my voice for people to hear it.
I have a pretty, my voice is deep but it was hearing my internal voice that he could hear my heart, that he heard the cry of a little girl and honored that I, I never, um, I know you all talk about your Bible.
I had my teen Bible and I just remember like, you know, like just seeing that he honored me as a teen in that moment, it was something that to this day I still draw from whenever life is trying to say no or things, you know, it just showed me a different part of myself that I didn’t know was there.
All right. Well, as for me, uh, in general, when I knew that there was, you know, like we better turn something there with God kind of the piggyback on what Lola was saying.
There was a story. Um, when I was in Oakland, in the Bay area, I was in college and I was a broke college kid struggling trying to figure it out.
And I had this little itty bitty car that took like 10 gallons of gas and I couldn’t even afford to get the gas in there.
But the church that I was led to was 45 minutes from campus.
I don’t know how and why we chose that. Me and my friends, but we did.
So they ended up having some sort of like revival um kind of uh night, weekend thing.
So went there and it was like a shut in.
So we prayed like all night long and I just knew that for summer, I don’t know.
I had $3 to my name. $3 cash.
And I was there that was before, you know, and all that, send the money this way. Right.
It was old school. Right. And I was, I felt like I was convicted to put everything that I had into that pot.
Right? Everything that I had to my name, which was $3 was, wasn’t a lie. I couldn’t believe it. Right.
And when I did it, I did feel some kind of way like that was everything guy you said do it.
That was everything right. I did it right.
And there was no thought that there was gonna be any return, you know, who thought anything like that.
And so I get the, the night ends and we get in the car and we’re leaving and we’re driving out the parking lot and it was pretty packed because, you know, we’re all in the same line and, uh, somebody stops their car and gets out a older person and tells me to roll the window down, they gave me $20.20 whole dollars and said, God told them to give this to me.
So they were led, right? So ultimately, at that moment in time, I saw the multiple of God and that, you know, with a little bit, he can definitely do a lot.
And from that moment forward, I never stop when it’s, when he says, give what you have, if it’s $100 give it.
You know what I mean? If it’s $10 give it whatever it is.
From that moment forward, I realize that the multiplication of God is insurmountable. So I’m gonna dig in deeper.
Yeah, Kendall, I want you to share them.
But um I want yours to be the last one and I want you to pray us out.
Um Yeah, I know. Right, because there is something so powerful about that fresh fire and I want to affirm you in the path that you’re on the generational curses that you are going to break.
And I believe that you already have impart to give seasoned saints veterans in the faith, even though you consider yourself, knew that fire is the same fire that raised Jesus from the grave.
And now it lives inside of you. And so that fire is thousands of years old.
And so while you’re just getting to know it, I want you to know that that inferno is enough to set us all aflame Amen.
Um OK, so my story, I feel like I was trying to pinpoint it to.
Um I just feel like ever since I was little, I’ve just had this, like, I’m just, I’m just a fiery, passion, passionate person.
I’ve always had a zest for life. I’ve always just been wild and crazy goofy out there.
Um But I feel like as I got older, it was more coming from like a traumatic place, you know, like it was me pushing and then God really did a number on me the last like five years.
Seriously. He really humbled me and said, and now that I’ve been saved, it all makes sense.
Of course, it all all makes sense why I was put on the path that I was.
But coming up to this moment, up to the moment of me being saved and having, you know, the skills removed from my eyes and realizing it like you do have a big purpose.
You do have this big zest for life for a reason, but it’s for my way. Yeah.
So I’m grateful. Oh gosh, Father God, thank you so much for this opportunity to bring these amazing women to this stage, for all of us to just chat together and be vulnerable and just be, be real.
That’s what life is about. Thank you Lord for speaking through us.
Thank you so much for this opportunity for us to grow and converse with other women.
Women is what it’s at women going to run the world, right?
Um We just pray Lord that after we leave the stage that we continue to grow, we continue, we have you light our fires even more.
We pray Holy spirit that you’re just with us throughout our days and that we really, really work on our minds and our hearts so that we can make an impact in your way.
Lord, in Jesus name, we pray. Amen. Ok.