How To Help Others With What You’ve Been Through

Stepping into resilience is about embracing discomfort and stretching beyond our limits. You might recognize this connection to the concept of elasticity, particularly in how memory works and the idea of stretching. There’s a crucial moment, like at the beach, where you face the decision to step into something uncomfortable, to stretch yourself. This moment of stretching is at the heart of resilience.

In Romans 5, we find a blueprint for the resilient life. Paul writes to the church in Rome, saying, “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” This passage begins with the recognition that our justification is God’s work, not ours. God justifies us, but this comes with human responsibility. Paul continues in verse 2: “Through him, we have obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we boast in the hope of the glory of God.”

But here’s where resilience enters: Paul says we also “boast in our afflictions.” This is a surprising statement, especially when we might expect him to say we boast in successes or joys. But success and joy don’t stretch us, don’t require trust, or dependence. True stretching comes in affliction. Paul explains that affliction produces endurance, which is a synonym for resilience, and endurance produces proven character, which then leads to hope. This hope will not disappoint because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.

Notice the structure: It begins with what God can do, then shifts to what we are responsible for, and ends with the reminder that we are recipients of God’s active work. God’s love, through the Holy Spirit, sustains us in our resilience. The Holy Spirit is the one who cultivates this resilience in us. But for resilience to grow, there needs to be suffering, affliction, discomfort, and stretching. It’s like being handed a boogie board by a friend, tricked into the surf, and realizing that every second spent in the water pushes you. The longer you stay, the more it stretches you, building your resilience.

Each time you endure discomfort or difficulty, you’re not starting from scratch. Instead, you’re setting a new benchmark. This is the beauty of resilience: it builds upon itself. Every moment of suffering, every ounce of affliction, and every unwanted circumstance is an opportunity for resilience to develop.

I recently met a woman who, in tears, shared how someone finally acknowledged her struggles after an unwanted divorce. She had been left holding something she never wanted. Yet, in that moment, resilience was being cultivated. That experience became a benchmark she could build on for the future.

A second sign you’re stepping into resilience is the ability to look beyond your own challenges to help others. It’s often through our afflictions that we’re equipped to support others who are going through similar struggles.